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Next time buy a Mercedes, it preserves it's value much longer...
But never feel guilty over the talents you have and the perks they bring. Living in the lucky part of the world is not your fault. Not knowing what to do with that gift or abusing it would be the wrong.
I seldom comment on your blog and especially refrained from it during the past few weeks. But you're a good, clever and sensitive man Scoble. Any family would be happy to have just half the dad, husband, etc. that this must make you.
I guess it's late at night where you are; the dark and vulnerable hours. But take your time and find out how all this affects you and what you want to make out of it. I'm certain you will do the right thing.
Take care. Best wishes from across the globe.
Above all, I hope your next week goes as uneventfully as possible.
Maybe you need to get back to basics, grab some pasta, chopped toms and plenty of meat. Go wild on the cooker and down a couple of bottles of the cheapest red wine you can lay your hands on.
Get your family and mates round, get them pissed and cook for them. And try to do it on a regular basis.
Cheerey buy bye
monk.e.boy
I dont know u or Maryam and you dont know me. However, if been reading both yours and Maryams blog for a while and I have to tell you that you're lucky to have her and she deserves everything you can give her beeing it materialistic or emotional. So you you bought something that from an economical perspective maybe wasn't the best decision - who cares! In the long run its only money and I'm sure you will be fine. She surely deserves it.
I gues my point is Maryam loves you and she just want you to be happy and healthy. So in my mind that is all you have to have on your mind when you decide what you want to do with your life.
So many of us use way to much energy thinking about the from things when we make important life decisions. Stuff like "what will people think" or "will I make my mark in the world". We do so many things for the wrong reasons. We are so worried about everybody else when what we should concern us self with is your selfes and our loved ones.
When you makes your choices just fell in your stomach what makes you happy and forget about everything else. If you're happy Maryam will be happy. The same goes for your son. It doesn't matter what you do together with him - you just have to be happy about what you guys are doing. Trust me he can feel if you're happy and if you're happy he will be happy spending time with you no matter what you're doing.
So just follow what makes you happy and everything else will take care of it self.
Anyway thats my opinion.
Kasper, Denmark
in my teenage years, i wanted a dad that respected me, by showing that he cared about what i was thinking (about decisions in the house, things i could do, or we as a family).
but then again: for teenagers, nothing is good, so you will just have to go through it :o)
You are a "Mensch" - I have found that it's all about the Questions - and you are asking the most important ones.
Yours Rob
Part of life is having a nice car, though...so congrats on that purchase. And also congrats on the $1,100.00 a month of alimony coming back into your pockets. The devastation known as divorce can set anyone back, and some people never even recover.
Anyways, I definitely see with posts like this why your blog is so popular, your thoughtfulness really shines through. Thanks, and keep up the great work.
Why look back retrospectively and say what if when we are here now and able to enjoy it.
Cheers,
Death of a loved one ranks right up there on the stress-o-meter with moving, marriage, divorce, changing jobs, and acquiring a mortgage. Take the time you need to get things sorted out, and don't burden yourself with (perhaps hasty) lifestyle decisions.
Grief is a process; it is divided into stages, and no two people go through the stages at the same rate or in the same fashion. Once again, take the time you need. We'll be here when you get back.
--Ken--
Echoing Ken, this is surely a time to assess where you are in your own life. But blogging makes your internal process a public matter that others can/must react to. As a veteran of corporate culture with just a few years on you, I'd advise not talking about job offers openly.
Take that trip to Yellowstone and let the little voice inside guide you. Then let us know the outcome. Take care.
Brian
With regards to the BMW. They always say that in times of extreme emotion, don't make any big decisions.
My personal view is that if I really want to feel I am experiencing my life - really living - That the answer is never in anything outside of myself or my family. Not a possession or a trip. One expression that I have really come to appreciate over the years - "wherever you go, there you are"
Have fun!
When you are with you son, try to see the world through his eyes. Learn from his questions, desires, and quest. Help him build a passion or passions and that may help you see yours.
I had the opportunity to work in a fellowship with a U.S. Senator who looked at ever decision she made, every vote she made, every bill she worked on through the lens of how this would impact her child. What would help her child's future, ensure his future, and the children that would be grandchildren.
I take this to heart, or try to. Let your son grow through you and your quest to understand and sort it out, he will need that skill as he goes through life. We need the skills to make decisions in our lives and we need lenses to make sense of these decisions. For you it may be your son, Maryam, happiness through work, or a combination of all of them. How do you see the world? How do you want the world to be? How do you want the world to be for your son?
Our world goes to hell when we think of ourself, but our world becomes great when we think of our action as those that impact others whom we are connected to.
I absolutely love the focus you put on your aunt and her year at 65. There is great good in that.
I began my blog in order to watch myself process emotions and experiences and it's been an enlightening and enjoyable journey so far. I look forward to what you have to say when you return. It'll be encouraging for us all.
I've been able to switch my schedule to 4x 10-hour days... which has allowed me to spend more time with my kids, and be more focused on work. Pretty cool thing. I'm happier here, my boss and my family are both happier with me.
Not saying that something like that would necessarily work for everyone - I happen to have some flexibility to take advantage of... the point I'm going for is it pays to work creatively with your employer to come up with something positive.
Buying Maryam a Beemer? You are right, life is short and she's a wildly special lady that deserves good things. I'm sure you will both enjoy it.
Safe travels
The Fountain Head by Ayn Rand
Atlas Shrugged By Ayn Rand
And once you've read them, and start to see the guiding philosophy behind them, go read some of her non-fiction to see how it can all come together in a completely non-contradictory way.
At that moment, when you can actually KNOW the right course and even more importantly know WHY it is the right course, your self-doubt will go away so long as you live by the law of non-contradiction.
It's hard to have someone die that you're very close to. But it is also a really good time to examine your philosophical system and expand your understanding of yourself and the universe.
And BTW, there is absolutely nothing wrong with buying a really great car, of that's what you want, and it will improve your life in some way. If it does that, then more power to you, and don't feel guilty for a second.
In pondering the human condition, I've come to realize one truth. We live today. We don't live in the past and we never, ever live in the future; so live today as tomorrow is never promised to come.
I'm sending a prayer out to you and your family in your time of mourning. Robert, you make a difference everyday in this world. I appreciate the work you do and want to say thanks. Take care and God bless.
Herschel
PS: Take a video of you and Maryam riding in that nice car and post that!
My condolences on your loss. Its unfortunate that events such as this cause us to reflect upon ourselves and the paths we've chosen. I lost my dad last year and know most of what you are sensing and questioning. The questions are big and the answers are even larger. To be honest, the answers don't come right away - but hopefully, when they do - you'll either see that you're already on that path or pretty close by.
-Paul
Life is what happens when you'r e busy making other plans"
My family sends our sincere condolences to you and yours in this time of grief.
Seize the day . . .
John S.
You are right, life is temporary, therefore it is critical to enjoy the blessings around you (especially the people in your life), give back, and know what is next. There is eternal life in a better place! Will you have it? Do you know and do you know him (JC)?
Gods blessings to you! I enjoy your blog and would love to have you sign your book one day!
J. Stame
MC
And good idea to buy Maryam a new car, that investment will pay you back a million times over!
Maybe I'll drive up to Montana to hang with y'all next week.
A week off sounds well deserved. Best of luck with everything.
Sometimes it's really hard to know what to put here and what not to put here. When I figure that out, I'll probably write that too! :-)
As to material things, yeah, you can't take them with you. And, for the past two weeks my mom didn't care about experiences or material things or how hard she worked in her store (although, it's interesting, she had a lot of friends and customers come by and visit her who DID care that she put the time in with them).
All this stuff is a good lesson to learn, it refocuses on what's really important.
Yeah, Dave, she continues to teach me a lot. Looking forward to seeing you in Montana!
I've received a lot of criticism from people about the non-technical things on my blog (parenting, love, etc), so it encourages me to see you doing the same thing.
WRT raising teenagers, it's been accurately compared to nailing jello to a tree. Regardless of how well you do it, it's messy, and you have no idea if you're successful or not. My oldest is about to graduate, and the younger brother is finishing his Freshman year. I feel just as clueless sometimes, and just as much as you, I doubt my ability as a dad.
There are any number of books that I (or others) can recommend, but the reality is that as long as you're searching, you'll find what you're looking for. Pity the fathers who don't care enough to take the step back that you've taken now.
Be safe,
Tim
-k-
the questions are good. Take the time to let the questions roll around in your head and your heart, and don't be in a hurry to get to answers. Emotions and thoughts will appear and disappear over the next few months... examine them, think about them, and give yourself some time for this to become a part of who you are.
http://janandmicki.wordpress.com/2004/12/22/a-p...
Hope you have a great time whatever you get up to.
He loves Xbox, though, and so do all the kids in the neighborhood, so I'm sure we'll have some fun times.
LORD, make me to know my end,
And what is the measure of my days,
That I may know how frail I am.
Indeed, You have made my days as handbreadths,
And my age is as nothing before You;
Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor.
Surely every man walks about like a shadow;
Surely they busy themselves in vain;
He heaps up riches,
And does not know who will gather them.
Ps 39:4-6
LORD, make me to know my end, And what is the measure of my days, That I may know how frail I am. Indeed, You have made my days as handbreadths, And my age is as nothing before You; Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor. Surely every man walks about like a shadow; Surely they busy themselves in vain;
He heaps up riches, And does not know who will gather them. (Ps 39:4-6)
"Life is difficult", I think that is one Scott Pecks great truths and the opening line in his book, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior. He also said, “Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit.”
You are going through one of those great times, great opportunities in life for reinvention of yourself. I see this journey as having started for you awhile ago. Sometimes just when you think you have things figured out, circumstances arise that show you that no, maybe you don't. Like when Candy and I had filed for divorce and a week later she died in a car accident.
I am proud of you for taking up the challenge. I urge you to not seek answers too soon. Sometimes the best time is spent defining the question(s) and listening, just listening.
Enjoy life, the new car and the time off. Much love to you, Maryam and Patrick.
~Steve and Sue Sloan
You're stressing a $40,000 loan? Are they paying people in peanuts over at Microsoft?
Hopefully you'll realize that women are evil when that happens.
That you're asking these questions now, rather than later in life, shows you're on the right track. Figuring out what will make you happy (and, necessarily, insure the happiness of the people you care for) is a task best done when you have the opportunities and options and time. I've been in software since high school days in the mid-70s and I'm speaking as someone that's waited way too long to start looking for the answers for those very same questions. The time you spend with your son is precious to you both -- don't spend too much of it in front of the Xbox (though I've done that exact same thing; watching him play GTR). What was most rewardinng to me was to do something, anything, where he would be challenged, so I could see him overcome those challenges.
Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, thy rod and they staff they comfort me.
Be comforted Scoble, the depth of dark is not eternal.
It is when we can't accept ourselves that life must teach us this lesson.. sometimes over and over and over again.
Anne
Blessings,
Shirley
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1401301932/sr=...
"You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."
Not saying all us father's fit that description, but the paradox is baffling. Kids don't come with an owner's manual. We all make it up as we go along, hopefully keeping the good examples our parents taught us and just doing what we think is right.
Good night.
I solved the $40,000 BMW problem by purchasing a classic old M series... less than 20K and twice the fun.
Anyway, death of parents takes a long time to get over - even if you are not close. It comes back at you in strange ways - even years later.
Take care of yourself - we love what you write and are selfish about wanting to see it !
Take care,
Great post and great comments (mostly). When you get back I want to here about your experience with the car dealer! Having bought 30 some cars over the years I know there is always a fun story involved.
Enjoy your time off and once again, thanks for sharing. Great to read someone who can make you refect a bit!
Mikey, you need to pick yourself up, dust it off and get back to life. BIG theme in these latest posts, (and rightly so), LIFE IS SHORT. Get past the bitterness, NOBODY is worth that!
I'd love to hear some feed back from others here in this world of thoughts and matched phrases. From my desk I have a view of the back yard and a tarp covered antique car. I can't even remember the kind it is,,,not being mine. And the apartment complex and all their dog walking tenants through the alley. That's if I wear my glasses. Yesterday I browsed about fifty or so blogs. Some worth going back to. I count this as one more. Thank you.
In every cloud a wisp of hair from mothers float
In ever blade of grass and drop of rain
I see the eyes of love smiling once again
In every storm that passes
In every star at night
In every leaf that trembles
As a bird takes flight.
In every smiling child
whose eyes see what we should
I can see my mother telling me
It's all good.
Lint, nature...all good.
Isn't it shocking when you lose your parent(s) that it just hits you... you're all grown up? No one to go to for trust worthy advice, no one to hear you complain and actually care that you are hurting or have the history behind all those thoughts and feelings. I hear you. Just this week was my mom's 3yr anniversary of her death, and my dad 7 months before that. Three years! That totally freaks me out. It can't be true! But it is, and life keeps going by, and our kids get older and more invested in life itself. I have to be honest though. I couldn't have gotten through all this stuff without having faith in Christ. It was too much to bare. Too much to let go. Too much to miss. I am so thankful when I see them in my dreams. Its so very cool to see them talking, touch them, smell them. Oh so real. What a gift when you wake and smile for it. I am so sorry for your loss. But pray you have that faith and belief that you will see your mom again in heaven one day. It is real comfort and gives hope and strength to go on. I hope too that you are sharing whats most important with your son, and you know that now to be memories that you shared with your parent. On earth, that's whats left. In heaven, there is so much more we can't know, but can believe. God bless, and sleep with a smile.
j
Cost of the base MSRP of a BMW 325i Sedan = $30,900
Cost of the BMW 325i loaded with options = $38,195
Cost of the look on your ex's face = price-less
Enjoy it! And, don't look back (although you might want to look in the review mirror once in a while...)!
Brian M
This is the best time to pray.You need to ask God to guide you in whatever you doing.He's the only one who can give you the satisfaction and meaning you are yearning for.
Check out the Economist. They have an excellent article on how us middle income folks are no longer shopping just in our traditional price range. Purchases are bifurcating - buying up-market luxury products while simultaneously buying down-market frugal dollar-saving bargains. Starbucks = upmarket success, GM = stuck in the middle market failure. Lesson here is for companies to figure out how to go upmarket and downmarket without aliening customers and not staying stagnent in mid market.
Back to techie stuff - for $40K I assume you upgraded to iDrive and GPS Nav system?
I just bought a new 325i two months ago and love it.
But also hate it! Maybe you can talk to the guys at the BMW tech center in Palo Alto about my pet peeves:
1. The blue-tooth handsfree works but uses a proprietary protocol for phonebook data exchange so my cellphone (Sprint PPC-6700 running on EVDO and Windows Mobile) won't upload the phonebook to the screen.
Maybe you can get them to opensource the data exchange protocol so someone can write a decent uploader for all Windows Mobile phones. (I'm assuming their going to remain clueless about actually fixing it themselves.)
2. Darn thing (the computer/nav/gps) is OEM'd from Siemens (not bad in itself) but is based on a closed Java architecture (bad). I knew it would be too good to be true, but I was hoping for an embedded WinCE or WinXP that could be enhanced.
3. The car industry took years to add cup holders, so their rate of innovation is no surprise. But, why the heck can't they replace the CD-ROM player in the radio/stereo with a DVD-ROM? For only about $20 more the MP3 data mode could play an 8GB Double-layer DVD-R instead of a 600MB CD-R. (Actually, I found you CAN play a data DVD, but you have to take out the GPS data from the DVD drive. So, you have great tunes and get lost, but if you want to know where you're going you can't have a lot of music :-)
4. Anyone that complains about stupid "gothas" in PC's or software should step back and look at the archaic decisions made in these products. Exactly which numbskull wouldn't approve putting a USB plug into any of these car radios? Duh! put all your music on a usb flash drive and just stick it. Seems simple enough. Maybe in 10 years they'll have it.
(Afterall, all these car mfg are patting themselves on the back for having added sinking 50cent audio in jack. Only took how long to do that????)
Ken
Live -- dont stash. K
It's great that you are taking time off and will have time to put life into perspective.
You may not realize what a big impact you have in what you do today. I and other teams at Microsoft find you invaluable. We work so hard on our products and we want our products to connect to our customers and have an impact. Our biggest bottleneck is often being able to connect to our users without them only seeing a big corporate facade (the one the Slashdot crowd likes to bash).
Your Channel 9 videos and this blog are amazing. You bring people together and bridge perspectives. My and my team now have a blog for our product and it's wonderful, and this has been in large part because of your and Leah Pearlman's blogging efforts.
I wish you the best with your time off to contemplate life. As you look to what you as a person do exceptionally well, it wouldn't surprise me if ends up being "connecting people and bridge their points of view".
Whatever you come up with, I think life is about knowing what you can do uniquely well, and then the joy of life comes from focusing your life and efforts around having that ability have a beneficial impact to the world and those around you. (Both in your personal and professional life)
-Bryan
Firstly: My deepest condolences for your loss. To lose your parent is a horrible experience, and it is just right that you spend this next week or two working those questions.
I don't know quite what to comment here, there have already been written many wise things. But I can say that I resonate well with your questions. How can we do more for the world, and for those we love?
Stay healthy and enjoy the time with your family. Greetings from Oslo!
Regarding your son my friend, I believe that things are simple... because when they are such, life is worth living... your son, as all kids, before and during his revolution is just a pretender of you... after he finishes with this unavoidable genes process he will be again a pretender of you... so just be yourself... enjoy it and have fun... don't bother your mind... nobody else beside your relatives care about you... after all we born alone and we die alone...
Take care.
Care about youself, you are the base for everything you are, you think and feel. If you are ok, then you can nurture others. If you are not ok then you feed off others. It's all about the energy flows. If you don't leak energy then you can shine and inspire.
Cry in public. It's humbling.
When looking inwards and finding a fear, face it. It's developing. Fear is an energy drainer.
Listen to your kid, learn something from him. Makes him confident.
Question God. Question the scriptures. Feel God rather then believe in he/she/it. Find your God in a different religion, same guy just different robes. Study Islam. It will raise your understanding.
If you work with your hands, get a 'thinking' hobby, if you are a 'thinking' worker get a hobby with your hands.
And don't take yourself so damn seriously :) Even Einstein could stick his tounge out and have a laugh!
Me and my friend were involve in a biking accident where we hit an old lady who wandered right across the road. She went in to a coma and died soon after. Somehow this resulted in me buying a cellphone that i wanted to for a long time. I am a very basic cell user - i dont even send text messages - and kept thiking that purchase would simply be a waste. Two days after the incident something just dragged me to the store and i ended up buying the phone. ( BTW, i have still not used most of the 'advanced' features in my new phone).
I am reminded of a quote from your Book - "everything doesnt change. Something changes and it impacts lot of other things". How true!!!!
is experiencing driving when she's driving her new BMW. I purchased a new Lexus, and it's a wonderful experience. We deserve it!
None of us probably have to, but we still do, and THAT'S what tells us that we are on the right track.
Good luck, love that your are sharing it with the world. Maybe we can't excel all the time, but if we manage to step up and save the day and sweep some people of their feet every now and then, we don't have to worry.
André Hedetoft
Movie-geek
Blogging about geek porn over at http://www.andrehedetoft.com/geekporn
I think that when you are at a point in your life you can really sit back and enjoy it, then do so! If it's not hurting you or anybody else, then do it!
My husband and I have four kids 6 and under, so something like buying a brand new car would'nt go well for us, but God willing, we will live to see our kids out of the house and then THE FUN BEGINS!! : )
Even at that, I find myself being too impulsive sometimes to because my husband works for our local police department here in Lebanon, and even though it's a small town (14,000 people) I find myself worrying sometimes that he may not be here tomorrow. Things can go from normal to erratic in a matter of seconds at a police department.
Anyway, you are not alone with your thoughts and questions. *Everyone* has them, even Christians, who relatively "know where they are going" but it's still scary to think about all that will go on that you could miss out on. I think the biggest thing is that life will still go on no matter if you are here or not. I can't bear the thought of missing *any* of my childrens' milestones if I happen to die. And the fact is, life would still go on. I think that's the most unsettling thing of all.