I can't even begin to comprehend what your going through. My warmest and deepest thoughts are with you; I know you'll come out the other side ok.
Al.
Mr. James
· 3 years ago
Y'know, I was almost afraid to read your post today, but I'm so glad I did. I think it's wonderful that your pouring out to us, and letting us in on such a personal event in your life. It really makes me realize that I should connect with people while they're still around.
Thank you Mr. Scoble for having the guts/courage/generosity to share all this with us. Alberta says your Mom is proud of you. She's got a huge reason to be!
Brian
· 3 years ago
Best memory? So many. But this one pops up: when I was very little, like 6 or 7, we'd play this game where she would ask me to dance with her -- and, pretending to be grown up, I'd put my arm around her and hold her other arm out and try to lead her, but she'd stand stock still and I would have to dry and drag her around the floor. It was the most hilarious thing and I'd always end up on the floor dissolved in hysterics.
David
· 3 years ago
I don't think I could find just one best memory of my Mom. How do you condense that many years of sacrifice into one memory? That's just my experience though.
However, one of the most powerful memories I have is when my Mom said goodbye to her Mom at her funeral.
Darren Straight
· 3 years ago
I don’t just have one memory of my mom but many that I will never forget, though I guess if I had to mention one it would probably be one of the times we were on holiday or when she used to wait for me after school, seeing her after school was a relief! ;)
As for you and what you should do about going to this conference or not, it's a though decision, on one side you know that she would like you to go but on the other side you know that if you go and she passes away while your at the conference you wont be there to say fair well as it happens and might never forgive yourself for going :(
But I think that you should go, if that’s what you believe she would truly be wanting you to do, because it will surely make her even more proud of you than what she already is of you, she will pass away knowing that you have been a great son to be proud of.
Endymion Keats
· 3 years ago
Deepest sympathies for what you and your family are going through.
From my own personal experience, I was with my Grandmother her last night. I stayed with her as her body gave way so the rest of my family could try and rest. It was one of the most powerful things I have ever experienced, being with someone you love and care for and helping them move to the next stage. That experience has changed me in many ways. So I would just say, unless you are sure your Mom will be fine, I would stay with her. It's an honor to be able to return a lifetime of love and support from someone who has loved you.
Thanks for sharing Robert
Endymion Keats
Jose Castillo
· 3 years ago
My mom struggled 13 years off and on with cancer and she finally passed away when I was 21. My most vivd memory of her is the way she always made everyone feel like they were a member of our family. While in pre-med school, which she wound up becoming a Doctor right before she passed away, she befriended a student from the Ivory Coast at the University of Tennessee. He was blind and had been since he was a child. He became a part of our family and we spent many moments together.
I have a photo where we are all at a roller skating rink and my mother is teaching Roger how to skate. He was zooming around the rink in no time holding on to my mom with one hand and his cane with the other.
I can think of no greater praise to give my mother than that she was always willing to help someone else do the impossible.
Thanks Mom and I love you.
Thanks Robert and God bless you and your mom.
Todd Dailey
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I feel for you and hope you're doing ok. I lost my mom to lung cancer in 1995.
One of my fondest memories of my mom is one morning when she came and woke me up. I was probably six or seven. I remember she was walking her fingers up me and singing this little song, it went "You're growing, you're growing, you're growing in and out! You're growing, you're growing, you're growing all about!" It was silly and funny and from the heart, and it stuck with me. I do that now with our five year old. :)
Valorie Luther
· 3 years ago
While I don't know you and haven't commented much on your blog, I want to say what a beautiful testament to your mother. Mother's Day is all about that hand on your cheek, a mother's best friend speaking for her about how proud she was of you, the mother in her soul! I wish you peace through your process. And remember there will always be another conference to attend but never another moment to say goodbye...you can "move on" once your mother has. I belive in living life with no regrets!
Sorry to ramble.
good luck,
Valorie Luther
Matt
· 3 years ago
Thanks for sharing.
Dan
· 3 years ago
My best memory of my mom is the small ways that she surprises me as she gets older. You think that my the time you have grown up, you know how she will react in every situation - but then, she goes and surprises you at the oddest moment. I think it was just nice to realize that she is still growing too.
Thanks for sharing all this Robert. I would bet that you have been to hundreds of conferences, and that your experience right now is much more unique, and will last with you longer than bothering to attend Syndicate.
Ben Rose
· 3 years ago
Best memory of my mum? All of them...
From the very first moment I can remember, until that last night in the hospital not so long ago, all I can remember is love and happiness. That's what having a Mom is all about.
Afterwards...the memories are still there and I live with the comfort of knowing that memories of her live on with me and all the people she touched in her life.
My thoughts are with you and your family during what I know is a difficult time.
Best wishes,
Ben
Victor Cajiao
· 3 years ago
Robert it's nice to read the peace in your words. When you speak of memories about Mon's one comes to mind that is above others. I am a Cuban Immigrant and came to the U.S. when I was 9. I remember the night we left Cuba there were government stations we had to go through in order to clear customs. It was Dec 24th and I had gotten a really cool plastic submarine (of course with U.S.S.R. stickers). The guard took it from me and literally ripped it in half, smirking that he had to make sure there was "No contraband" in it.
I started to cry and thought I'd never stop. My Mom took me to aside and said, don't worry, we are going t a great land where soldiers don't take toys from kids and you can have any kind of toy you want. She held my hand after that, to tell me it was OK, I'd be OK.
Mom's are God's way of proving his existence.
Bless you and your family Robert
Alijah Green
· 3 years ago
IT HURTS ME JUST TO THINK OF WHAT YOU MIGHT BE GOING THROUGH. I WILL SAY A LITTLE PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. GOD BLESS SCOBLES FAMILY.
dermot
· 3 years ago
Robert
My advice. Don't go to the conference. Now is the time for family. There'll be lots of other conferences. Everyone will understand. Take the time you need.
Dermot
hugh macleod
· 3 years ago
I concur with Ajijah.
Randy Charles Morin
· 3 years ago
There'll be plenty of conferences in your future. Stay.
dermot
· 3 years ago
Oh and Robert, my thoughts are with you. Go gently.
Scott Sigler
· 3 years ago
The Syndicate Conference will live without you. I'm already there and speaking - I can fill your slot with a presentation on syndicating fiction podcasts (I did the EarthCore podcast). Don't worry about leaving a hole in the conference, if that's your concern. There's plenty of time for more conferences, the time you have now is precious. If you do go to the conference, and you need help with anything, I volunteer my time (email me scott@scottsigler.net).
Teresa Valdez Klein
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert, Highly professional people like you often force themselves to adhere to their professional duties, even when personal circumstances make that incredibly difficult. You should do whatever your gut tells you is right and not think twice about it. Your mom will still be proud of you, even if your pagerank drops to zero and you never keynote another conference. But the fact is that taking some time to be with her instead of going to NY won't make either of those things happen. I'm thinking of you and your family.
-T
Chris Hajer
· 3 years ago
My $.02: don't go to the Syndicate Conference. The conference will be fine without you, and you will miss so much by going. Stay with your mom.
Mike of The Riverbend
· 3 years ago
My heart goes out to you and your family. Waiting for someone to go is always hard. I have gone through it twice now in similar ways. Once for my wife's grandmother and once for my grandfather. Watching a person go that way is hard.
Rick Klau
· 3 years ago
Robert -
All of us at Syndicate next week would not only understand if you stay by your Mom's side, I think we'd all encourage you to do so. Obviously you're in the best position to know what's right, but there's always going to be another opportunity to evangelize. If it is your Mom's time, then take advantage of the gift to be by her side, holding her hand, helping her prepare for whatever comes next.
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Be well, and thank you for helping us all appreciate our Moms a little more this Mother's Day weekend.
--Rick
Gisli Olafsson
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert,
Thanks for keep sharing these difficult times. Don't worry about your professional duties. Instead write one more of your beautiful post and ask the conference people to display it on the screen instead of your talk.
Everyone will understand your decision to spend time with your mother in her last days. Your mother is already SO proud of you, you don't need to attend this conference to make her any prouder than she already is. If you don't spend time with her during her last days you will only regret it later.
Keep on thinking about your happy memories.
Joe Williams
· 3 years ago
Don't go to the conference.
jw
Jacob Levy
· 3 years ago
Robert
I think you should do what your gut tells you, not what you imagine your mom would want you to do. Thats the true meaning of getting on with your life. In your situation given the option to choose I would stay with my mom and to hell with the conference. I wasnt given that option to choose and feel guilty still (after 10 years) for not being there.
Brian
· 3 years ago
On the conference thing. Here's a method I use to make hard decisions: ask yourself what you would regret more. Just listen to the little voice inside -- it will tell you what to do.
Joe Wabick
· 3 years ago
Robert,
How many more conferences will you attend?
How many more times will you be a keynote speaker?
How many more times will you get to hold your mother's hand?
Stay in Montana. Be with your Mom.
My father took ill last year, and even though it was incredibly painful to see him deteriorate, I will always cherish the time I spent with him. Even though he might not have known I was there, 'I' know I was there. I know I was able to give him a little more love, a little more caring, another hug. I was able to let HIM know that it was OK to make that final transition. That I could take strength from his strength, and that I could deal with losing him. That I was proud of him too!
All this other stuff is just a bunch of ones and zeroes. Keep the important things important.
Thank you (I'm not sure those are the right words, but it's the best I can do) for living your life out loud, and sharing this with everyone...this takes a lot of guts.
Peace and love to your Mom, you, and all of your family.
Eric Norlin
· 3 years ago
Robert-
adding to the above - from us folks at the Syndicate conference. All the best wishes to you and your family.
Chris Pelyk
· 3 years ago
Robert My deepest thoughts are with you and your family. Spend this time with your mom and don’t worry about work and enjoy mothers day with your mom. Chris
Robert, I'm sure your mom would tell you to go to the conference. It doesn't mean you have to listen to her. :-)
You're unlikely to regret missing the conference.
Curt
· 3 years ago
Do what feels right, buddy. Gut-feeling gets undersold among thinkee types.
Wendy
· 3 years ago
Stay with your mama.
I would give anything to spend one more minute with my Grandpa. Don't do something that you will regret later. Keep holding your mom's hand, cry, feel what you feel, and live every moment. Conferences are a dime a dozen, but Moms are not.
Thank you for sharing this with all of us. It's so hard to read but so good and healing at the same time.
David
· 3 years ago
Memories of mom, nice topic. What I remember is the love put that is put into even the most simple things. A small snack, a glass of hot chocolate. Somehow they were more than something to eat on a cold afternoon. I see this with my wife as well and how she prepares things for our daughter. Such love and attention put into it. Even the smallest things she tries to make special. That's a mom.
Our existence begins inside our mothers. They are the most profound connection we have to any living thing in this world.
Denise
· 3 years ago
One of the most important moments in my life so far was being with my great-grandmother in her final moments. I was in my early 20s then and the other family members at the hospital with us were unable to make themselves stay. The stress overwhelmed them when she took a sudden, unexpected turn for the worse. I feel proud of myself for making sure she had my hand in hers when it counted most (not to mention all the times before -- we were tight!). I know she knew I was there; she held on tight as long as she could. I would not have missed it for the world and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
Skip the conference. Feel lucky you're there, despite the sadness of saying good-bye.
Jonathan (Rainmaker2112)
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Keep making memories like you described, such as just holding her hand, since they are a part of your, your children and her life. My mother is in a nursing home in Houston, TX, since she has advanced Parkinson's, which she's had for over 30 years. She's lost virtually every close person in her life; my middle brother three days after birth, both parents by age 30 and my dad suddenly in 1981. She's fought the steady decline of her disease, including finally needing to be in a nursing home for her own safety. She had a beautiful voice and was called all over the U.S. to sing, but her voice is a shell of what it once was. Despite all of this she continues to live with dignity and perhaps even that stubborness that kept her going through all the pain and loss.
What I most remember about my mom is that despite all of the things she could complain about, she reaches out to others in their pain. I, like you, don't know how much longer my mother has on earth, but the memories that she's given me and to my children will continue into the current and future generations.
Loss is difficult and even more so with those we love so much, but the good memories heal the pain over time. I recommend that you pick up one of Elizabeth Kubler Ross's books as you go through the stages of grief.
All the best in thoughts and prayers.
Busy Mom
· 3 years ago
I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I am but a few weeks before this situation, myself.
My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
Ryan Libson
· 3 years ago
Stay in Montana, stay with your mom, climb up into the Crazies, wade in the Yellowstone, and stare out into the beautiful blue Montana sky. Know that all moms love their sons and take it all in.
I don't know you but I feel for your loss.
Andrew Leyden
· 3 years ago
You have the rest of your life to "get on with your life."
Don't waste a moment on a conference when the choice is not spending time with family in a situation like this. I can't tell you how many people I know have done this or that 'business thing', which seemed major or the right thing to do at the time, only to realize years later that it didn't begin to compare to that which they missed at the time.
Just holding your mom's hand is enough for right now. She knows your there, and you know she knows. That is what you will value most later in your life.
I wish you the best in these awful times.
Darren Straight
· 3 years ago
Looks like you now have an answer to the question if you should go or not to the conference, in my previous comment I mentioned that you should go if that’s what you truly believe she wants but I forgot to mention that if you have any real doubt on if to go or not then you shouldn’t, and I’m guessing you do have doubt if not you wouldn’t have mentioned it!
And well as it looks like you have a massive support from everyone here to stay, I myself would like to finally recommend that you stay with her, like people have said, there will be many more conferences you can go to but there’s only one of her.
We are all unique, you are unique, she’s unique, stay together and enjoy what time you have left with her, everybody will understand.
Because like I said in my previous comment if you go to the conference and she passes away while your there, you may never forgive yourself for not staying with her and enjoying the time that’s left.
e
· 3 years ago
Love NEVER dies. Do what you feel is right, your mom will always be with you. Chin up brother, she wants you to be happy.
CrittendenIV
· 3 years ago
For Scoble Haiku
Holding your moms hand allows you to remember how she felt that day.
When remembering the comfort of her grasp, you'll begin to heal.
Through tender healing you will begin to release memories of mom.
All those wonderful memories of your mother are your mothers touch.
From that day forward your beautiful mother will forever touch you.
And your mothers touch will be her reminding you that she loves you, Robert.
Terry Heaton
· 3 years ago
Robert,
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Robert.
Don't forget to let yourself feel, and feel everything. Shutting out the pain also shuts out the love that surrounds you from every quarter. Keep loving your mother regardless of what happens. Never stop. You don't have to, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
God bless you,
Terry
Diego
· 3 years ago
Good luck with your mom. Surely she knows how much you love him, surely she suffer with your pain.
Mothers are the greatest thing in the world.
From Uruguay, Diego
Brian M
· 3 years ago
My mom had a stroke last fall, so I know what you are going through.
Your mom is much more important, so skip the conference. There will be plenty more for you to attend in the future, and everyone will understand.
Brian M
Lynn Benson Johnson
· 3 years ago
Thoughts, prayers, and love to you and your family.
Hendrik
· 3 years ago
don't where you going through, but you are in my thoughts and prayers. Your mom has a great son and she knows it.
respect from Holland, Hendrik
sterlingcamden
· 3 years ago
If it was me, I would definitely stay with Mom. In the years to come, I doubt you'll look back and say, "damn, I wish I had gone to that conference."
t
· 3 years ago
There will be many more conferences for you to attend in the future; there's only one chance left to stay close to your mom.
Just my thought.
Tim Weber
· 3 years ago
Dear Robert, this is the toughest of times. But always remember this holding of hands with your mother, and the comfort it gives you and her. Here are a few words by Stefan George, a German poet ... in an English translation:
Come to the park they say is dead, and view The shimmer of the smiling shores beyond, The stainless clouds with unexpected blue Diffuse a light on motley path and pond.
The tender grey, the burning yellow seize Of birch and boxwood, mellow is the breeze. Not wholly do the tardy roses wane, So kiss and gather them and wreathe the chain.
The purple on the twists of wilding vine, The last of asters you shall not forget, And what of living verdure lingers yet, Around the autumn vision lightly twine.
Joanne
· 3 years ago
I chose to attend the conference based on the credibility that you bring to the topic HOWEVER I do not expect to see you there given your family events. All the posts before mine really do ring true so you probably should listen to the collective wisdom of the crowd and stay in MT.
All that said, your family and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Robert Scoble
· 3 years ago
Thanks everyone. As usual you're right. I'm staying the week in Montana.
What turned me? A young woman who called me. She told me her name, but since she's a journalist for a Middle Eastern News Network, she doesn't want to be public.
She told me how her father had sent her from Iraq to America. How she wasn't able to talk to her father cause he didn't have a phone. Nor be with him during his death. She desperately wanted to change places with me so she could say goodbye. She was crying as she said that she wishes her father could see that his dream for her having a better life was realized.
What a great global village we all live in. Thanks everyone, I appreciate it. More than you ever will know.
And, to Eric Norlin, I owe you one.
william
· 3 years ago
Thanks Robert, for giving the blogosphere a HEART! I'm glad to know you won't be attending the conference, although I had been looking forward to meeting you. You made the right decision NOT to go.There are more important things to do than miss a conference. Your most important being is to be holding and focusing on your MOTHER, the person who gave you LIFE! Finally in closing you will not miss being the conference keynote. God has arranged for your keynote to be made via your blog. Your blog is more than a keynote it is a living testimony to the POWER of bloging, by allowing your many friends to share their love and wisdom with you, when you need it the most.No keynote speech can compare to what you have allowed us to share with you and each other. We are truly a family. Thanks for letting us see the spririt of each blogger in their post. We are more than words,because now we see the flesh and blood and the tears of the BLOGGING. My prayers are with you and your FAMILY. May God continue to strengthen you!
Susan Kitchens
· 3 years ago
I'm, oh, about five years old or so, and it's lunch time. Mom bought some new kind of bread, Orowheat. I still remember the shape: It looks like what you'd see if Moses' two commandment tablets were connected together... three sides of a square, and two-rounded humps on top. Dark brown crust, and white bread inside.
Mom tells me that the bread makes a sound when you squeeze it. "Here, listen," she says, holding the slice of bread near my ear. From the corner of my eye, I see her fingers slowly pinching the bread, and then I hear an ever-so-soft kssssssh!
The bread's amazing! It *does* make a sound!!
I don't remember what I exclaimed, or whether my jaw dropped or anything. I just know that this is amazing. Okay, I'll bet my eyes grow wide in disbelief.
I probably say, "Do it again!" and she does. ksssssh!
She pinches it several times, each time I hear the ksssshhh.
Somewhere into this, I grow skeptical. Was it because I glanced at her mouth, and see that it's shaped like kssssh? I don't know, but unbelief takes over the disbelief.
I accuse her: "You're making the sound!"
"No, it's the bread," she says. "Here, listen again." kssssssh.
I watch her mouth, closely. My attention is no longer on the bread. Her lips move ever-so-slightly when she presses the bread. The ksssssh is coming from her.
My mother, subtle smartass. (and I wonder where I got it from!)
Dan Perry
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I cannot tell you how much your comments touched me. Thank you for sharing your feelings. We need to remember how important we are to each other. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Kami Watson Huyse
· 3 years ago
My Nonnie, who is even now battling as staff infection from her last chemo treatment, was always like a mother to me. Every summer I would go with her and Papaw for a month or two and have a grand time.
Once we were hiking and they warned me not to run down the hill. Well, run I did and ended up face-first on a dirt road. They thought I was dead, but I just got up and kept going.
I guess we all think that we can keep up and go, but at some point the end of the road comes. Nonnie isn't there yet, she is still fighting on, but I know that it will come someday.
Glad you are taking the time to make it special for yourself and her.
My prayers are with you.
Sachin
· 3 years ago
"Don't be afraid of farewells, a good-bye is necessary before you can meet again, and meeting again after moments are lifetimes is certain for those who are in love." ~Richard Bach in Illusion.
Good Luck!
Sachin
· 3 years ago
should have read: “Don’t be afraid of farewells, a good-bye is necessary before you can meet again, and meeting again after moments or lifetimes is certain for those who are in love.”
Chris
· 3 years ago
Robert, could you maybe let your mom witness one of your talks? Do the Syndicate keynote over LiveMeeting from her hospital room. Let her see what she's so proud of.
Wishing you and mom the best...
Jeff Barr
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert,
In times like these, don't think of what you lose, remember all that you had, all that you gained, and treasure those memories. Pass them along to your children and keep your mom alive in their hearts. Celebrate the fact that she had a good life.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Darren Straight
· 3 years ago
Glad to see you’ve made up your mind, it’s for the best.
Best wishes to your mum and you and the rest of the family.
Ken
· 3 years ago
Mom went through 8 years battling cancer. So did the rest of the family from outside. It ended badly. I can't think of how it could end well.
Mom introduced me to hockey when I was around 10. We'd sit in front of the TV together and watch every single NY Ranger game together all through my teens. We went to several games and practices together.
One other was when she was quite ill. I was home that day and taking a nap. She came to me an lay down beside me and asked me to hold her. She told me she was "so scared". I'm glad I was home that day.
Whew. Gotta go find the tissues. Ken
Jack Yan
· 3 years ago
Robert, this is a touching subject and I had to cover it on live TV on Friday, talking about my Mum who passed 12 years ago. Far too soon. I know she would want you to go to New York. However, if I were you, I would stay by her side. I just think you need to be there, to know that you were there for as long as you could be. ¶ While I still feel connected to my Mum’s spirit, there are still days, after 12 years, where I feel I have lost an entire limb. I know people are consoling you but I have to be honest and say the feeling of loss does not disappear easily. These last days will be important to you.
jcspl
· 3 years ago
I do agree with Mr. James:
"Thank you Mr. Scoble for having the guts/courage/generosity to share all this with us. Alberta says your Mom is proud of you. She’s got a huge reason to be!"
Hold her hand, talk to her; she will listen. Tell her that people from all over the world are thinking of her and her son.
Solidarity is such a nice trace of humanity.
jcl
deannie
· 3 years ago
I really don't know how you managed to maintain all these posts in the middle of a very challenging period in life. We all face our parent's aging and eventually losing them and it is a very personal journey.
Someone already said it earlier regarding the decision to go to NYC: listen to your gut. Profesionally, this is not a hit at all.
You remain close in the prayers of others for comfort and peace.
Sereni
· 3 years ago
Wow, that's so real. I myself am pregnant right now, am expecting a baby boy. I hope I would get to have such a close relationship with my son as you seem to have with your mother.
Jim
· 3 years ago
Robert:
Thank you for sharing your experience. I lost my Mom four years ago. She died in her sleep and everyone tells me that's the best way to go. There is no best way - they all suck. I never had the chance to tell her goodbye, but then I didn't have to see her waste away like many do. The bottom line is that it's tough to lose anyone you love. Fortunately I told my Mom "I love you" at the end of a phone call two days before she died. They turned out to be the last words she ever heard me say.
To anyone reading this: tell the people you love that you love them. They need to hear it and you need to say it.
Peter Clayton
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert, I was so looking forward to seeing you at Syndicate - but I share the sentiments of most of those responding to the personal decision you need to make. Obviously, you are the only one who can decide what is best for you and your mother. I can't speak for IDC, but everyone I know attending the conference will certainly understand, and respect your absence. Our prayers are with you, Robert.
Peter Clayton
mjb
· 3 years ago
Moms have a tendency to put the interests of their kids ahead of their own :-) It doesn't always mean it's the right thing to do for either party. Whatever time you can spend with her is precious -- the conferences will always be there to attend in the future.
J
· 3 years ago
It's so hard. I lost my Mom last year, right before Mother's Day. Heartfelt good wishes to you and your family.
Harmon
· 3 years ago
Scoble -- sorry to read about your Mom. Good luck as you deal with this sad part of life; my thoughts are with you and your family.
Julie
· 3 years ago
My fondest memory of my mom is her putting albums on the record player and we would dance and sing until we were out of breath and lost our voices.
Dmad
· 3 years ago
Robert,
From personal experience my opinion is you should not go to that conference. Any organization or person that would not support you in that decision is not worth supporting. Like another poster said, how many more times will you have to hold your mother's hand? vs how many more conferences and speaking opportunities will you have? Do let what may have occured in the past affect any decision you make now. These memories will be with you the rest of your life. The confernece? In a year no one will care.
Poppy
· 3 years ago
I admire your ability to post what you feel, don't have a clue what you're talking about. 'Memories'--none I care to dwell on, about the woman who views both her children as 'opportunities.' Every meal had something wrong with it, happy only when we were walking out of the room, didn't care for any gifts, always handed back to me, zero interest in us; nothing was enough. Last conversation she said I used to be pretty --closest thing to a compliment, my entire life. That was two months ago, I've kept the phone plugged into computer ever since. If you grew up with a mother whom you knew loved you: you are Extremely lucky. The other kind: takes work to erase the memories. Unasked for advice: take the exact total time it takes to grieve, not a minute--or anyone else's time-table--less.
rainbo
· 3 years ago
Robert,
losing a loved one is always tough. Watching a loved one fade away is probably as tough as it gets. Know that my thoughts and those of thousands of others are with you as you suffer this. The only advice I can give you about Monday is do what your mom would have wanted. She will certainly understand.
{{Hugs}} Ralph Friedman a.k.a RainBo
Steve Senes
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert, As I read through your posts about this matter, I can absolutely comprehend what you're going through. See, I lost my Mom this past November after a 3+ year battle with Cancer. Regarding your "should I stay or go" dilemma, you absolutely must stay with her. I say this because, even though she would tell you to go, you will be giving up precious moments with her that you will never regain. The night my Mom passed, I was supposed to work (I'm a musician, had a gig booked). I never cancel a gig. Never. I cancelled that night and am eternally grateful that I did. Being there with her when this happens will both bring you (and your family) a great deal of peace. But it will also be important to your Mom. She knows you're there, and she'll continue to know. So do what you know is right man.
whatsnext
· 3 years ago
you made the right decision. keep following your heart, it'll help you make the next right decision and the one after that. none of them are easy. xxoo BL
Douglass Davidoff
· 3 years ago
Dear Robert,
I'm glad you are staying in Montana with your Mom. She outweighs all the people at every conference you'll attend or speak at -- combined.
I am 49 years old, and I am really quite fortunate that both my mom and dad are alive. Mom is 74 and my Dad will be 80 in a few weeks. They are active and engaged in their world and in their children and grandchildren.
Best memories of my Mom: -- Often, the most recent memory. For example, I have been meditating often lately. Mom sent me some on-target meditation manuals. -- Recently, I have been trying again to stay on top of my "to-do" list. I have the advantage of all the modern technology (I use Iambic's Agendus for Palm an d for Windows). But in the 1960s and 1970s, Mom had only yellow legal pads. To keep her family and her business running, she copied her to-do list two or three times a day onto a new sheet of paper. My Dad thought she was nuts (and I sort of agreed), but her to-do list and her regimen had a lot to do with her success. When I remembered those yellow legal pads a few months ago, I realized -- oh, maybe 40 years late -- what a great role model she was/is and how she maintained an active "to-do" list without any personal technology. They organized her busy life. -- My Mom and Dad are inseperable. I have to remember the love they show for each other.
My dearest memory is of my mother's mother, who died eight years ago last week. My Grandma Bunnee in her last few decades became accepting and tolerant. Most of all, she encouraged me to reach higher. When cell phones first came out, I used to call her almost every night on my drive home. I miss her every day.
Keep holding your Mom's hand, Robert. She's still there for you and will be to the end of her days.
-- dtd
Rich DeAugustinis
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Praise God you have the courage to share your personal challenges and courage so openly. I watched my mother slowly die of cancer in 1998...and I literally watched her pass from the physical bonds of this world. I am confident she left to be with her Lord and Savior, and is in a far better place today. Spend every waking second you can with her...take it from me, you will remember them and treasure them for the rest of your life. Make sure she knows how much you love her. Apologize for the things that have haunted you growing up. Tell her your thoughts, dreams and aspirations. Love her as much as you can, mate. I pray that your time together in the days ahead are blessed with clarity of thought and full of remembrance of happy times together. I also pray that she knows her Savior and is ready to meet Him. Thanks again for being so open to sharing your life with us...it is a poignant and wonderful reminder that we are all connected.
All Comments
Al.
Thank you Mr. Scoble for having the guts/courage/generosity to share all this with us. Alberta says your Mom is proud of you. She's got a huge reason to be!
However, one of the most powerful memories I have is when my Mom said goodbye to her Mom at her funeral.
As for you and what you should do about going to this conference or not, it's a though decision, on one side you know that she would like you to go but on the other side you know that if you go and she passes away while your at the conference you wont be there to say fair well as it happens and might never forgive yourself for going :(
But I think that you should go, if that’s what you believe she would truly be wanting you to do, because it will surely make her even more proud of you than what she already is of you, she will pass away knowing that you have been a great son to be proud of.
From my own personal experience, I was with my Grandmother her last night. I stayed with her as her body gave way so the rest of my family could try and rest. It was one of the most powerful things I have ever experienced, being with someone you love and care for and helping them move to the next stage. That experience has changed me in many ways. So I would just say, unless you are sure your Mom will be fine, I would stay with her. It's an honor to be able to return a lifetime of love and support from someone who has loved you.
Thanks for sharing Robert
Endymion Keats
I have a photo where we are all at a roller skating rink and my mother is teaching Roger how to skate. He was zooming around the rink in no time holding on to my mom with one hand and his cane with the other.
I can think of no greater praise to give my mother than that she was always willing to help someone else do the impossible.
Thanks Mom and I love you.
Thanks Robert and God bless you and your mom.
I feel for you and hope you're doing ok. I lost my mom to lung cancer in 1995.
One of my fondest memories of my mom is one morning when she came and woke me up. I was probably six or seven. I remember she was walking her fingers up me and singing this little song, it went "You're growing, you're growing, you're growing in and out! You're growing, you're growing, you're growing all about!" It was silly and funny and from the heart, and it stuck with me. I do that now with our five year old. :)
Sorry to ramble.
good luck,
Valorie Luther
Thanks for sharing all this Robert. I would bet that you have been to hundreds of conferences, and that your experience right now is much more unique, and will last with you longer than bothering to attend Syndicate.
From the very first moment I can remember, until that last night in the hospital not so long ago, all I can remember is love and happiness. That's what having a Mom is all about.
Afterwards...the memories are still there and I live with the comfort of knowing that memories of her live on with me and all the people she touched in her life.
My thoughts are with you and your family during what I know is a difficult time.
Best wishes,
Ben
I started to cry and thought I'd never stop. My Mom took me to aside and said, don't worry, we are going t a great land where soldiers don't take toys from kids and you can have any kind of toy you want. She held my hand after that, to tell me it was OK, I'd be OK.
Mom's are God's way of proving his existence.
Bless you and your family Robert
My advice. Don't go to the conference. Now is the time for family. There'll be lots of other conferences. Everyone will understand. Take the time you need.
Dermot
Highly professional people like you often force themselves to adhere to their professional duties, even when personal circumstances make that incredibly difficult. You should do whatever your gut tells you is right and not think twice about it.
Your mom will still be proud of you, even if your pagerank drops to zero and you never keynote another conference. But the fact is that taking some time to be with her instead of going to NY won't make either of those things happen.
I'm thinking of you and your family.
-T
All of us at Syndicate next week would not only understand if you stay by your Mom's side, I think we'd all encourage you to do so. Obviously you're in the best position to know what's right, but there's always going to be another opportunity to evangelize. If it is your Mom's time, then take advantage of the gift to be by her side, holding her hand, helping her prepare for whatever comes next.
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Be well, and thank you for helping us all appreciate our Moms a little more this Mother's Day weekend.
--Rick
Thanks for keep sharing these difficult times. Don't worry about your professional duties. Instead write one more of your beautiful post and ask the conference people to display it on the screen instead of your talk.
Everyone will understand your decision to spend time with your mother in her last days. Your mother is already SO proud of you, you don't need to attend this conference to make her any prouder than she already is. If you don't spend time with her during her last days you will only regret it later.
Keep on thinking about your happy memories.
jw
I think you should do what your gut tells you, not what you imagine your mom would want you to do. Thats the true meaning of getting on with your life. In your situation given the option to choose I would stay with my mom and to hell with the conference. I wasnt given that option to choose and feel guilty still (after 10 years) for not being there.
How many more conferences will you attend?
How many more times will you be a keynote speaker?
How many more times will you get to hold your mother's hand?
Stay in Montana. Be with your Mom.
My father took ill last year, and even though it was incredibly painful to see him deteriorate, I will always cherish the time I spent with him. Even though he might not have known I was there, 'I' know I was there. I know I was able to give him a little more love, a little more caring, another hug. I was able to let HIM know that it was OK to make that final transition. That I could take strength from his strength, and that I could deal with losing him. That I was proud of him too!
All this other stuff is just a bunch of ones and zeroes. Keep the important things important.
Thank you (I'm not sure those are the right words, but it's the best I can do) for living your life out loud, and sharing this with everyone...this takes a lot of guts.
Peace and love to your Mom, you, and all of your family.
adding to the above - from us folks at the Syndicate conference. All the best wishes to you and your family.
My deepest thoughts are with you and your family.
Spend this time with your mom and don’t worry about work and enjoy mothers day with your mom.
Chris
You're unlikely to regret missing the conference.
I would give anything to spend one more minute with my Grandpa. Don't do something that you will regret later. Keep holding your mom's hand, cry, feel what you feel, and live every moment. Conferences are a dime a dozen, but Moms are not.
Thank you for sharing this with all of us. It's so hard to read but so good and healing at the same time.
Our existence begins inside our mothers. They are the most profound connection we have to any living thing in this world.
Skip the conference. Feel lucky you're there, despite the sadness of saying good-bye.
Keep making memories like you described, such as just holding her hand, since they are a part of your, your children and her life. My mother is in a nursing home in Houston, TX, since she has advanced Parkinson's, which she's had for over 30 years. She's lost virtually every close person in her life; my middle brother three days after birth, both parents by age 30 and my dad suddenly in 1981. She's fought the steady decline of her disease, including finally needing to be in a nursing home for her own safety. She had a beautiful voice and was called all over the U.S. to sing, but her voice is a shell of what it once was. Despite all of this she continues to live with dignity and perhaps even that stubborness that kept her going through all the pain and loss.
What I most remember about my mom is that despite all of the things she could complain about, she reaches out to others in their pain. I, like you, don't know how much longer my mother has on earth, but the memories that she's given me and to my children will continue into the current and future generations.
Loss is difficult and even more so with those we love so much, but the good memories heal the pain over time. I recommend that you pick up one of Elizabeth Kubler Ross's books as you go through the stages of grief.
All the best in thoughts and prayers.
My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
I don't know you but I feel for your loss.
Don't waste a moment on a conference when the choice is not spending time with family in a situation like this. I can't tell you how many people I know have done this or that 'business thing', which seemed major or the right thing to do at the time, only to realize years later that it didn't begin to compare to that which they missed at the time.
Just holding your mom's hand is enough for right now. She knows your there, and you know she knows. That is what you will value most later in your life.
I wish you the best in these awful times.
And well as it looks like you have a massive support from everyone here to stay, I myself would like to finally recommend that you stay with her, like people have said, there will be many more conferences you can go to but there’s only one of her.
We are all unique, you are unique, she’s unique, stay together and enjoy what time you have left with her, everybody will understand.
Because like I said in my previous comment if you go to the conference and she passes away while your there, you may never forgive yourself for not staying with her and enjoying the time that’s left.
Holding your moms hand
allows you to remember
how she felt that day.
When remembering
the comfort of her grasp, you'll
begin to heal.
Through tender healing
you will begin to release
memories of mom.
All those wonderful
memories of your mother
are your mothers touch.
From that day forward
your beautiful mother will
forever touch you.
And your mothers touch
will be her reminding you
that she loves you, Robert.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Robert.
Don't forget to let yourself feel, and feel everything. Shutting out the pain also shuts out the love that surrounds you from every quarter. Keep loving your mother regardless of what happens. Never stop. You don't have to, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
God bless you,
Terry
Mothers are the greatest thing in the world.
From Uruguay,
Diego
Your mom is much more important, so skip the conference. There will be plenty more for you to attend in the future, and everyone will understand.
Brian M
respect from Holland,
Hendrik
Just my thought.
this is the toughest of times. But always remember this holding of hands with your mother, and the comfort it gives you and her.
Here are a few words by Stefan George, a German poet ... in an English translation:
Come to the park they say is dead, and view
The shimmer of the smiling shores beyond,
The stainless clouds with unexpected blue
Diffuse a light on motley path and pond.
The tender grey, the burning yellow seize
Of birch and boxwood, mellow is the breeze.
Not wholly do the tardy roses wane,
So kiss and gather them and wreathe the chain.
The purple on the twists of wilding vine,
The last of asters you shall not forget,
And what of living verdure lingers yet,
Around the autumn vision lightly twine.
All that said, your family and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
What turned me? A young woman who called me. She told me her name, but since she's a journalist for a Middle Eastern News Network, she doesn't want to be public.
She told me how her father had sent her from Iraq to America. How she wasn't able to talk to her father cause he didn't have a phone. Nor be with him during his death. She desperately wanted to change places with me so she could say goodbye. She was crying as she said that she wishes her father could see that his dream for her having a better life was realized.
What a great global village we all live in. Thanks everyone, I appreciate it. More than you ever will know.
And, to Eric Norlin, I owe you one.
a HEART! I'm glad to know you won't be attending the conference, although I had been looking forward to meeting you. You made the right decision NOT to go.There are more important things to do than miss a conference. Your most important being is to be holding and focusing on your MOTHER, the person who gave you LIFE!
Finally in closing you will not miss being the conference keynote. God has arranged
for your keynote to be made via your blog.
Your blog is more than a keynote it is a living testimony to the POWER of bloging, by allowing your many friends to share their love and wisdom with you, when you need it the most.No keynote speech can compare to what you have allowed us to share with you and each other. We are truly a family. Thanks for letting us see the spririt of each blogger in their post. We are more than words,because now we see the flesh and blood and the tears of the BLOGGING.
My prayers are with you and your FAMILY.
May God continue to strengthen you!
Mom tells me that the bread makes a sound when you squeeze it. "Here, listen," she says, holding the slice of bread near my ear. From the corner of my eye, I see her fingers slowly pinching the bread, and then I hear an ever-so-soft kssssssh!
The bread's amazing! It *does* make a sound!!
I don't remember what I exclaimed, or whether my jaw dropped or anything. I just know that this is amazing. Okay, I'll bet my eyes grow wide in disbelief.
I probably say, "Do it again!" and she does. ksssssh!
She pinches it several times, each time I hear the ksssshhh.
Somewhere into this, I grow skeptical. Was it because I glanced at her mouth, and see that it's shaped like kssssh? I don't know, but unbelief takes over the disbelief.
I accuse her: "You're making the sound!"
"No, it's the bread," she says. "Here, listen again." kssssssh.
I watch her mouth, closely. My attention is no longer on the bread. Her lips move ever-so-slightly when she presses the bread. The ksssssh is coming from her.
My mother, subtle smartass. (and I wonder where I got it from!)
I cannot tell you how much your comments touched me. Thank you for sharing your feelings. We need to remember how important we are to each other. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Once we were hiking and they warned me not to run down the hill. Well, run I did and ended up face-first on a dirt road. They thought I was dead, but I just got up and kept going.
I guess we all think that we can keep up and go, but at some point the end of the road comes. Nonnie isn't there yet, she is still fighting on, but I know that it will come someday.
Glad you are taking the time to make it special for yourself and her.
My prayers are with you.
~Richard Bach in Illusion.
Good Luck!
“Don’t be afraid of farewells, a good-bye is necessary before you can meet again, and meeting again after moments or lifetimes is certain for those who are in love.”
Wishing you and mom the best...
In times like these, don't think of what you lose, remember all that you had, all that you gained, and treasure those memories. Pass them along to your children and keep your mom alive in their hearts. Celebrate the fact that she had a good life.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Best wishes to your mum and you and the rest of the family.
Mom introduced me to hockey when I was around 10. We'd sit in front of the TV together and watch every single NY Ranger game together all through my teens. We went to several games and practices together.
One other was when she was quite ill. I was home that day and taking a nap. She came to me an lay down beside me and asked me to hold her. She told me she was "so scared". I'm glad I was home that day.
Whew. Gotta go find the tissues.
Ken
¶ While I still feel connected to my Mum’s spirit, there are still days, after 12 years, where I feel I have lost an entire limb. I know people are consoling you but I have to be honest and say the feeling of loss does not disappear easily. These last days will be important to you.
"Thank you Mr. Scoble for having the guts/courage/generosity to share all this with us. Alberta says your Mom is proud of you.
She’s got a huge reason to be!"
Hold her hand, talk to her; she will listen. Tell her that people from all over the world are thinking of her and her son.
Solidarity is such a nice trace of humanity.
jcl
Someone already said it earlier regarding the decision to go to NYC: listen to your gut. Profesionally, this is not a hit at all.
You remain close in the prayers of others for comfort and peace.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I lost my Mom four years ago. She died in her sleep and everyone tells me that's the best way to go. There is no best way - they all suck. I never had the chance to tell her goodbye, but then I didn't have to see her waste away like many do. The bottom line is that it's tough to lose anyone you love. Fortunately I told my Mom "I love you" at the end of a phone call two days before she died. They turned out to be the last words she ever heard me say.
To anyone reading this: tell the people you love that you love them. They need to hear it and you need to say it.
I was so looking forward to seeing you at Syndicate - but I share the sentiments of most of those responding to the personal decision you need to make. Obviously, you are the only one who can decide what is best for you and your mother. I can't speak for IDC, but everyone I know attending the conference will certainly understand, and respect your absence. Our prayers are with you, Robert.
Peter Clayton
Heartfelt good wishes to you and your family.
From personal experience my opinion is you should not go to that conference. Any organization or person that would not support you in that decision is not worth supporting. Like another poster said, how many more times will you have to hold your mother's hand? vs how many more conferences and speaking opportunities will you have? Do let what may have occured in the past affect any decision you make now. These memories will be with you the rest of your life. The confernece? In a year no one will care.
time-table--less.
losing a loved one is always tough. Watching a loved one fade away is probably as tough as it gets. Know that my thoughts and those of thousands of others are with you as you suffer this. The only advice I can give you about Monday is do what your mom would have wanted. She will certainly understand.
{{Hugs}}
Ralph Friedman
a.k.a RainBo
As I read through your posts about this matter, I can absolutely comprehend what you're going through. See, I lost my Mom this past November after a 3+ year battle with Cancer. Regarding your "should I stay or go" dilemma, you absolutely must stay with her. I say this because, even though she would tell you to go, you will be giving up precious moments with her that you will never regain. The night my Mom passed, I was supposed to work (I'm a musician, had a gig booked). I never cancel a gig. Never. I cancelled that night and am eternally grateful that I did. Being there with her when this happens will both bring you (and your family) a great deal of peace. But it will also be important to your Mom. She knows you're there, and she'll continue to know. So do what you know is right man.
xxoo
BL
I'm glad you are staying in Montana with your Mom. She outweighs all the people at every conference you'll attend or speak at -- combined.
I am 49 years old, and I am really quite fortunate that both my mom and dad are alive. Mom is 74 and my Dad will be 80 in a few weeks. They are active and engaged in their world and in their children and grandchildren.
Best memories of my Mom:
-- Often, the most recent memory. For example, I have been meditating often lately. Mom sent me some on-target meditation manuals.
-- Recently, I have been trying again to stay on top of my "to-do" list. I have the advantage of all the modern technology (I use Iambic's Agendus for Palm an d for Windows). But in the 1960s and 1970s, Mom had only yellow legal pads. To keep her family and her business running, she copied her to-do list two or three times a day onto a new sheet of paper. My Dad thought she was nuts (and I sort of agreed), but her to-do list and her regimen had a lot to do with her success. When I remembered those yellow legal pads a few months ago, I realized -- oh, maybe 40 years late -- what a great role model she was/is and how she maintained an active "to-do" list without any personal technology. They organized her busy life.
-- My Mom and Dad are inseperable. I have to remember the love they show for each other.
My dearest memory is of my mother's mother, who died eight years ago last week. My Grandma Bunnee in her last few decades became accepting and tolerant. Most of all, she encouraged me to reach higher. When cell phones first came out, I used to call her almost every night on my drive home. I miss her every day.
Keep holding your Mom's hand, Robert. She's still there for you and will be to the end of her days.
-- dtd
Praise God you have the courage to share your personal challenges and courage so openly. I watched my mother slowly die of cancer in 1998...and I literally watched her pass from the physical bonds of this world. I am confident she left to be with her Lord and Savior, and is in a far better place today. Spend every waking second you can with her...take it from me, you will remember them and treasure them for the rest of your life. Make sure she knows how much you love her. Apologize for the things that have haunted you growing up. Tell her your thoughts, dreams and aspirations. Love her as much as you can, mate. I pray that your time together in the days ahead are blessed with clarity of thought and full of remembrance of happy times together. I also pray that she knows her Savior and is ready to meet Him. Thanks again for being so open to sharing your life with us...it is a poignant and wonderful reminder that we are all connected.
God bless.
Rich D