Damn, Robert, this is so sad... but thank you for sharing with us.
Love and prayers,
Hugh
Ahmad Mahdi
· 3 years ago
It's hard to know what to say at a time like this. Just wanted to let you know a lot of people are thinking and praying for you and your family tonight.
Olirockerdude
· 3 years ago
Very sorry to hear this - my thoughts are with you; take care and try to enjoy every final precious second.
Xavier
· 3 years ago
Reading all this brings tears to my eyes, and my throat seems tight, and I'm not that emotional. Losing your mum might be some of the worst thing to happen to a human being. Thank you for sharing, be strong, and cling to your loved ones. I'm very sorry about this whole situation. Hope you will find rest in the time to come, and know that joy will come back, through rememberance of her. Take care of her last days with her, take care of yourself. Those are tough days indeed. You have all my thoughts and support.
Cameron McBride
· 3 years ago
My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family Robert. Take care.
Kaushik Mohan
· 3 years ago
Robert,
These are small gestures of support. I'm extremely happy if they make you feel better. It's the least I can do.
What you said reminds me of a saying my father once told me: "What would you do if you knew today was your last day to live?" he once asked. I fumbled, thought and enumerated some of the noble things I've always wanted to do. "Life's fickle and unknowable" he then said. "You never know which day marks the end. Treat every moment like it's your last, and do what you've always wanted to".
It's so true, isn't it? Anyways, keep the faith and hang in there.
Kaushik
Suzy-Hang-Around
· 3 years ago
I'm a new subscriber to your blog, and yes, I primarily signed up for insight into Web 2.0 and all that. But no way does your personal blogging 'bug me'. I think your sharing is very generous, and it is experiences like this that demonstrate to me how much more gratifying it is to be a web-participant rather than a web-recipient. I'm sending my best and most healing thoughts to you, your mother, and your family.
Graham Chastney
· 3 years ago
Only last week I had a call from my mum to say that my Dad was in hospital having had a stroke. It turned out to be quite mild, but the shock of it. I can only imagine what you are going through.
Love and prayers.
Graham
DrumsNWhistles
· 3 years ago
In the last three months of 2005 I posted my share of posts like this to my blog. Maryam, who has never met me, left me such kind and touching comments. They meant the world to me.
In addition to the comfort that blogging is bringing you, your call to people to step up and articulate their last wishes is an incredibly valuable service. I have been in both situations (DNR order and no DNR order), and the pain of having to make the decision on behalf of a loved one is something no one should have to go through. I'm glad you have that small comfort, in the face of overwhelming grief.
Be gentle to yourself, remember to breathe, and give Maryam an extra big hug when she arrives on Friday.
Support is everywher my friend. I do hope you find peace in the final outcome.
Thoughts and prayers,
Michael.
vikram
· 3 years ago
Robert our prayers are with you and your family.Hang in there.As i was reading your post something I read many years ago came to mind.
Human life does not move with the regularity of a clock. In living there are gaps and silences when the soul stands still in it's flight through abysses - and there are times of trial and tribulation and times of struggle when we grow old without knowing it.
Gautam
· 3 years ago
Robert, may god give your family and you strength.
Stephen Hamilton
· 3 years ago
Robert, I'm sorry to hear of tribulations you and your family are facing right now. The thoughts of this Australian are with you (it truly is a global village, I believe).
If I may suggest, make sure you use this time and opportunity to connect with your family on a deeper level, or perhaps just reconnect with them. Death is the greatest leveller of people, and it doesn't only have that effect on the loved one passing away.
Bertrand
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I am sad to hear about your mom's situation. Best wishes for her and the whole family.
Take care,
Bertrand
Halley Suitt
· 3 years ago
Robert = Sending all my love to you and Maryam and your family. I'll put up some stuff on my blog from my long nights and longer days in the hospital when my dad was going through the worst of it -- also a congestive heart failure sufferer.
When we talked with Joi and his videocrew at SXSW in April, about your Mom, she sounded vital and lively, so this is such a surprise.
Aren't you lucky to have Maryam there tomorrow! Hang in there. Love -- H
rick
· 3 years ago
It's with sorrow and sadness that I've been reading your latest posts. I have also lost a closed one after taking a simple x-ray (really) - no one knows one's time to go. There's not much more to say, just keep in mind that are a lot of people out here who are praying for your mother and for those of you who will stay behind. Bless you all.
Tom Raftery
· 3 years ago
Robert - thinking of you - keep posting to the blog, not so much to tell us what is going on but for its cathartic value to you.
It is a form of release for you and will help you deal with what you are going through.
Warm regards from Cork.
Tom.
Charlie Maitland
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert Just to say that one think I have learnt from the loss of 2 Fathers (long story) and having delivered a fair few death messages when I was a policeman is: DONT stop crying, Keep those closest close, Never take offence at anything any one says. Your ability to judge people's intent is being warped by this massive black hole that is filling your head. It does heal. But right now you dont believe that! Take help when it is offered, you do need it. Sorry to burble on. This world that you have helped create is all around you and with you. Charlie
Ian Morley
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Take care mate. Take some time out for yourself and loved ones. We'll all be here when you return.
In our prayers,
Ian.
Paul Speranza
· 3 years ago
Robert,
My prayers are with you and your family.
Paul
Brian
· 3 years ago
Robert, it's a terrible passage but, as you say, one we all have to endure. I lost my mom 12 years ago and found, after she went, that I had lost all sense of "home". It was then I realized that home was just a metaphor for where she was -- the place you could always return to where someone would take you back and love you without qualification. It made the world a little colder, but it gets better with time.
Family will help with the change. Rely on them. Take care.
Matthew Loraditch
· 3 years ago
My thoughts and prayers to you and the rest of your family. Matthew
Dan
· 3 years ago
Did you mean "bawling" (to cry loudly) in the title? I'm not familiar with "balling" outside of basketball showmanship and the density scale for measuring sugar content in water base solutions.
Hang in there.
Jason J. Thomas
· 3 years ago
My heart and best wishes go out to you and yours, Robert. Although there probably is some comprehension there on your Mother's part, at least you got to say goodbye. I realize that is little consolation--and even painful--but at least the death is not a sudden unexpected jolt to you.
Don't be afraid to show your grief, but continue to enjoy your life much as your mother would like you to. Remember, that after she passes, she will always be with you, wherever you go.
Michael Letterle
· 3 years ago
Whatever strength you can get from my thoughts and prayers, take.
AAwoken
· 3 years ago
God bless you and your Mom. It's very tough to go through things like this. Even harder, is trying to console another in a time of grief. What do you say? Sorry? I only tell people to be grateful for the time God allowed us to have with that loved one. That, and this is where faith kicks in.
Us alcoholics are blessed in a sense in that we have to deal with many of these moments and situations long before most.
I will pray for your mother and for you to have the strength to get through this.
Nickie
· 3 years ago
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. There is never a "right time" for this. You're in my thoughts and prayers. You will make it through.
Shree..\\
· 3 years ago
Robert- Hang in there my man. I know how it is. I wish you and your family all the best. Good times pass too fast while the bad ones linger too long.
Lance Robinson
· 3 years ago
Praying for you and your family.
Jeelz
· 3 years ago
Hey Robert Buddy - Hang in there - may god give you all the strength and patience. I've been through this once when my dad was dying of Cancer - this truly is one of those tough times - all our prayers are with you.
Gordon
· 3 years ago
Take comfort where you can, cry when you need to. I know how hard this is, my thoughts are with you and yours at this sad time.
anthonymontoya (Patrick Scobl
· 3 years ago
Remember that through all of the darkest times in your life, Patrick will be there for you. He loves you, and when I lost my grandma all I wanted to do was keep my family members tight. Remember that Patrick is wise beyond his years so talk to him, or if you are desperate. Comment me on my blog, anthonymontoya.wordpress.com or email, anthony0721@sbcglobal.net I wish you the best.
Chris Bellini
· 3 years ago
Keep blogging - it helps. My mom passed away two weeks ago after battling Lymphoma. Everything you're describing...the hand-squeezing, onslaught of bad news...I know exactly what you're going through. Blogging about it helped me sort it all out and of course supporting the comments that peopled posted were a nice reassurance. Hang in there.
Juan DG
· 3 years ago
Men, this really sucks, I’m feeling something inside my chest…. I’ve been reading your blog every day for about 2 years, and to be honest I feel like I know you better than what I know most of my co-workers, physically I’m like 10.000 miles away from you (Medellin, Colombia) but on this digital village I feel like you are in the office just down the hall. All my prayers will be with you and your family this week.
Richard Stringfellow
· 3 years ago
Robert,
These posts are beautiful and I don't think any of us are bugged by them in the least. I relate to what you said about the computer being reassuring. My grandfather died a couple of years ago and I was very thankful to post to a group and receive comments in return.
I think you've done a great service by urging people to talk with their loved ones about these decisions in life. We don't know when they are going to come up. I spoke with my parents about this a decade ago and had them show me where their paperwork is. Three years ago when my partner and I bought a home, we went to a lawyer and had wills, medical powers of attorney and powers of attorney drawn up. We had discussed these matters before, but having it in writing made it so much more permanent. It prompted her to call her relatives and have further talks and I called my brother and sister to do the same. It's not morbid to do so - it's practical and important. All too often this is avoided. When people have these discussions it can ease the ones left behind because these decisions have already been made. Now the ones left behind can get to the hard path of grieving without agonizing over what to do.
Take care. Peace to your loved ones.
Erwin Blonk
· 3 years ago
I've been through it a few times. Let me put it this way, my children have never known their grandfathers. My mother pulled through a brain hemmorage (and how.... she's healthier than me right now, but she'd rather had that my father was still here). There are no tips and tricks to get you through it. Well, I have one: with my father-in-law I was more aware of what was happening than with my own father. It worked for me: be aware of what is happening, be open to both to great and painfull things that are happening, don't close your eyes. It will help you later on.
Robert Scoble
· 3 years ago
Chris, sorry to hear that.
Adnan Wasim
· 3 years ago
Robert,
My thoughts and prayers to you and the rest of your family.
Adnan
Jill
· 3 years ago
I missed being there when my Grandmothers was hospitalised and passed away over a short period of time. I don't know you, you don't know me, and I don't know if it helps; but you are lucky to be able to say goodbye and your Mother is lucky to hear it. And she hears it, with every squeeze of your hand.
Robert Scoble
· 3 years ago
Dan, yeah, I meant bawling. Thanks!
Rob
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I'm praying for you. I know that sounds trite and jaded, but you know something --- it works. I don't know how you see things in terms of with God, but He listens. I lost my wife of almost 10 years to terminal ovarian cancer a mere 3 weeks ago. I know your pain. I watched my wife slowly fade from being a beautiful woman to someone who just wanted it over. I still haven't really come to terms with it. Pray, dude. Pray hard. Pray for God's will, not your own, and you'll rest easier.
In Christ,
Rob
Robert W. Anderson
· 3 years ago
Continuing best wishes to you and your family, Robert. This stuff can be hard and seem so unreal at times.
Hang in there.
Robert
Dimitar Vesselinov
· 3 years ago
Robert, I'm sorry for your mother...I wish I could help you...
Keeping you and your family in prayer. Thank you for the reminder to us all to sit down and talk about topics we tend to avoid. It really does make a difference.
edge
· 3 years ago
I've been through this with my mom in Feb. Bad thing was dealng with uneducated hillbilly siblings that could not communicate with the doctors coherently. Being a geek, and a firefighter gave a large inside the box insight that really helped in the process. Now we just went through this again, with a fellow firefighter having a heart attack in a structure fire. He is making miraculous progress, but these decisions and feelings make life a bit of a challenge. I have kind of a scientific emotional state, but that doesn't help things when the end comes near. Take plenty of walks and get some air.. they help..
Greg
John Seals
· 3 years ago
Robert:
I am so sorry to hear about your mother.
You and your family will be in our thoughts.
Peace.
Raymond K
· 3 years ago
Despite all the sadness, I think it is Great that you are able to be with your mother these days, squeeze her hand, and talk with her. That you have this chance to communicate with her through these emotions is a gift.
Cherish every smile, every sign of connection. I send you and your family all the best of wishes.
Cynthia
· 3 years ago
I went through this with my Mom (5-years ago) and my Dad last year. It was especially tough as I live in Europe and they were in the US.
Take care of yourself and those you love at this time. One of the things I found most overwhelming was the kindness of strangers and how you discover more about your friends (and family) as they support you during this time.
Both parents had left DNR instructions but I had to re-authorise them as the paperwork was several years old. Very tough. It was a gift your Mom gave her family to have been so clear. We should all give this gift to our families.
A friend just lost his 39-year old wife to a stroke. Life isn't a rehearsal. Live it well. Be good to yourself.
Richard Green
· 3 years ago
Be happy that you have this time to say goodbye, I had to watch my father slip away while giving him CPR.
Consider yourself blessed my friend, and cherish every second you have.
Neil Jensen
· 3 years ago
My mother had Parkinson's disease for 18 years, which ultimately lead to her death last summer. She was in a coma the last two weeks of her life, which in retrospect, was fortunate. My brother had an opportunity to fly out and spend some time with her before she died.
This will sound odd, but the 'best' part of the experience was that my brother and I literally spent a week hanging out together in her room, with nothing to do. She was in an institution at that point and all of her belongings were in the one room. We ended up pulling out all of the old photos and letters that she had, as well as phoning many of her friends. It helped us remember that at one point she was a vivacious woman, something we had seemed to forget as time took its toll on her. We were also constantly reminded by others of how proud she was of her boys. My brother and I talked like we hadn't in years. The nurses had told us that hearing is the last of the senses to go - I'm sure that having her two sons chatting away by her side made her happy.
Take care.
David
· 3 years ago
No appologizes necessary.
My heart goes out to you. I was in a similar situation with my grandmother back in '01.
polizeros
· 3 years ago
My mom died at home in her own bed surrounded by family after the final desperate chemo had no effect on her luekemia.
She and all of us decided no more hospitals, let her die at home, not in a hospital stuck full of tubes.
My dad and step-mom are closing in on 90. They have documents with the family lawyer detailing "no heroic measures." If that time ever comes, then there's no question about it, their wishes are in writing.
Something we might all think about doing.
Hang in there Scoble, you got thousands thinking about you.
dbarefoot
· 3 years ago
My condolences. The best advice somebody gave me when my Mom passed: chin up. DB.
Paul
· 3 years ago
I wish you and your family some kind of peace in a really tough time. I know how difficult it can be (my dad died almost three years ago from cancer).
Paul J
Victor Cajiao
· 3 years ago
Robert you and family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for reminding us how important it is to take the time to be with our family and enjoy them every day. We often forget how important this is in our daily life.
May the peace of the Lord be with you and carry you during this difficult time.
Mike
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Thank you for your posts and your excellent advise on making preparations in advance. One piece of advice to everyone: be very careful in writing advance directives. Medical decisions aren't always black and white. The best course is to appoint someone to make health care decisions for you. A poorly worded, strict DNR document could prevent doctors from performing life-saving procedures.
You and your family are in my prayers.
Bryan
· 3 years ago
I'm struggling to find words - nothing seems to strike me as adequate during this very difficult time. All that I can come up with is that I'm very sorry and that I continue to think and pray for you and your family.
John Piercy
· 3 years ago
Hi Rob When my Dad was dying of Prostate Cancer , several years ago ,my aunt and I rented Kangaroo Jack
My Dad was in a hospital bed in his house an d we had TV and DVD setup for his enjoyment
Ive never seen my Dad and Aunt laugh so hard ,even while my Dad was laying in a hospital bed
Some times its good to get the mind off the sad stuff and laugh for a few moments
Spend the moments you Rob , because these moments will be with you forever
Dont be afraid to cry ,go for drive Let it all out , be strong my friend
Also write Mom a letter , say everything you want to say ,, Let her read it , so she understands your love and your feelings
Know that were here for you .
Best Wishes Rob
John Piercy
papa
· 3 years ago
hey scoble I realize these are trying times for you and I wish the best of luck to you and your family. I don't leave comments very often on here mostly because of time, but this is something of waaaaaaaaaaaaaay higher importance. And crying is the best way to deal with this, some people(men) refrain from it but I find it very medicinal. Scoble is right y'all love your family and TELL them. off to write to mine right now.
Karen R
· 3 years ago
All the best to you and your family during this difficult time, Robert. Your sentiments are heart-felt and genuine. Thanks for sharing and bringing some important reminders home to the rest of us. Godspeed.
Christopher Penn
· 3 years ago
At least you're there for her, so you're way ahead of the game. Remember it all, because when the pain fades - and it will, given time and love - you will have something special to treasure. Love cannot conquer death, but it can give it one hell of a sendoff.
Gregg Eldred
· 3 years ago
Robert, and while thinking those thoughts of what is important, you also need to have a will drawn up. I found that is the one item that takes the longest, as it is confirmation of your own mortality. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Shannon Whitley
· 3 years ago
I had a similar experience with my mom last year, but I still can't know what you're going through right now. I can only imagine...and that imagining makes me hurt too. I'm going to call my wife right now and tell her how much she means to me. Rob, I'll be thinking about you and your family.
Brian K
· 3 years ago
Robert, Thinking and praying for you and your family. My 14 year old son had a stroke a year ago and completely recovered. We didn't know what it was at first. I realize even more how lucky we are. Now I'm off to call my mom BEFORE mother's day.. Brian
Kevin Behringer
· 3 years ago
Robert:
I'm so sorry to hear about this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. From the comments, it's obvious the support you have, which is a testimonial to what you've done for everyone...but it certainly doesn't make it any easier.
Kevin
LM
· 3 years ago
As with others, my thought and prayers are for you and your family.
Scott Royall
· 3 years ago
Not much left to say that hasn't been said. Courage, indeed.
And yes, EVDO is a blessing.
Jim
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I am very sorry to hear about your mom, I understand how you feel.
My prayer are with you... Jim
Abby
· 3 years ago
my granny was goin thru a tuff cancer operation (tht took 11 hrs). i cudn't put my mind to anythin, cudn't sleep... so i thot i'll pour thingz on my blog.
I did and recieved 'keep the faith' messages, hugs, wishes... from ppl i didn't even know. most of 'em visit my blog for their dose of microsoft n technology tid-bits.
i was moved... n got the strength to carry thru the night.
it returned an error, which i guess was because it didn't take .info to be a valid email address.
shouldn't u do smthin 'bout it?
Jon Galloway
· 3 years ago
Robert,
My thoughts are with you. Thanks for writing about this - it's good to be reminded of how precious and uncertain life is so we can live it to the fullest and pay attention to the things that matter most.
Jon
Cali
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Before the Internet, we relied on a physical network of friends. Older generations don't get how real the support of our virtual network can be. Lean on us all you need.
Cali
Robert Scoble
· 3 years ago
You are all the best. It's a tough day and it's nice to see all these kind thoughts.
Farid Mashhadi
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Sorry to hear about your mom's deteriorating condition. My thoughts are with you.
Spend as much time as you possibly can with her. Cherish the last moments!
Best, Farid
Garrett Fitzgerald
· 3 years ago
*hugs*
We had the talk a while ago, and have everything in writing.
The only catch is, where did we put it? :-( Oh, well, at least that's one good thing about having to pack everything...
Dan
· 3 years ago
My thoughts are with you...
Devil's Advocate
· 3 years ago
I get the bowling thing - my dad died in florida - we went sea fishing. Same thing.
BTW, I have concluded that you should have those wishes tatoo'd on your ass if you want the medical people to get them in a timely manner.
Jan V.
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Something about the blogosphere, is that it seems to bring people who would otherwise be very distant, very close.
As an EMT/Firefighter on the side, I must thank you for advising others to talk about this stuff ahead of time and let others know their wishes. Things happen so fast, and without warning... We should all cherish every moment we share with the ones we love.
Our prayers are with you and your family. We will be here when you return.
ninefish
· 3 years ago
Robert, I value your blogging and insight into everything. I'm honoured that you're sharing your heart so openly at this time. I'm thinking of you, your mom and your family. Stay strong, go well. Find a way to smile. Love.
Brian
· 3 years ago
So sorry to hear about your mother, Robert... hang in there. And thanks for taking the time to share -- you're creating something positive for others out of your pain, and that's commendable.
Staci Kramer
· 3 years ago
Robert ... My own words aren't enough. These are from a prayer/song by Debbie Friedman that has helped me a lot over the years. I hope it does the same for you.
The tranlisterated words are Hebrew.
Mi shebeirach avoteinu M'kor habracha l'imoteinu
May the source of strength who blessed the ones before us, Help us find the courage to make our lives a blessing And let us say: Amen.
Mi shebeirach imoteinu M'kor habracha l'avoteinu
Bless those in need of healing with refuah sh'leimah The renewal of body, the renewal of spirit And let us say: Amen.
Having lost a parent after a long illness under less than ideal circumstances myself a few years ago, I am glad that you have the support and love of your family and friends to help you through this very difficult time.
My thoughts are with all of you. I'm sorry I didn't check your blog sooner.
Be well, take care, and take your time.
Bob Pedersen
· 3 years ago
I've been thinking a lot about you and your family, and praying as well. Something is Going On when you can feel so connected to someone through their blog.
Karen Jackie
· 3 years ago
You certainly have inspired me to become a blogger, so I hope I can help a bit with some cyber support during this sucky time. I appreciate your openness and honesty and it's inspiring.
I lost my dad to cancer in '92 and you feel helpless when you see someone you love in pain or "no longer with us" in some way ... But I'm glad to read that you've been crying - it's healthy - and spending time with your loved ones.
Thinking of you and your family. And I'll be sure to hug mine tonite. Best ... Karen
Ant
· 3 years ago
This is such a hard time for you.. I hope that the thousands of people in this global village who think they know you through your blog and have you and your family in their hearts and thoughts at this time make a difference to you over the coming days and ease the pain a little.
Dave Fourputt
· 3 years ago
God bless you and your family during this difficult time.
Take care.
Cameron Reilly
· 3 years ago
My condolences Robert. My dad passed away 5 years ago very suddenly from cancer at age 52 and we weren't close either, but it's tough nonetheless. Stay in the moment buddy. Don't fight it.
Toby
· 3 years ago
Robert - you've given to so many, it's only right that we give what support we can to help ease the hurt in your heart.
Oh, I was hoping things wouldn't be this bad. Your mom, you, and your family are in my prayers.
Leave nothing unsaid. It will help.
If hospice is available, take advantage of it.
Help her have a soft landing. And know we are all pulling for you.
David Smith
· 3 years ago
Lost my Mom to a stroke a little over a year ago...have an idea what you're going through, and just had yet another cry - any age is too early to be a motherless child (I'm 58, she was 88). She didn't awaken, and I'm glad that your Mom is even somewhat aware of the love you and your family are giving her. Our prayers are with you and yours.
Keith Combs
· 3 years ago
My parents and grandparents have been gone for what seems like an eternity. I miss them very much. I feel your pain. Our prayers are for you and your family.
Kind regards,
Keith
Prokofy Neva
· 3 years ago
I'm so sorry to read you are going through this with your Mom, and hope that blogging through it will help you and your family cope. I'm so glad you got a chance to squeeze your Mom's hand one last time around Mother's Day -- it's better than any Internet.
Having lost my daughter, mother, father, grandparents, friends, I could only say, death itself, by itself, isn't really the worst thing. It's actually peaceful, by itself. It's everything before and everything after that's so hard. So don't be afraid of the actual death of your loved one, it's more about preparing yourself for afterwards.
Try to take as many pictures as you can, write down everything in a journal, a private one, not just a blog, even if you don't even look at it now, you'll want to later.
May God hold you all in the palm of His hand!
Cath Bray
· 3 years ago
Bless you for your wise words of wisdom: talk with your family, let them know your wishes, hug them. Yes, yer right: we don't like this stuff until we really need to deal with it. Thanks fer kicking so many butts today! I hope all the good wishes and prayers from all around the small world help ease your mom's trials and your family's pain. My best goes out to you and yours!
ramsblog
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert, Our prayers are with you all. May God gives you all the strength. Believe and Pray for God's will and his terms - MIRACLES do happen. God Bless!
shel israel
· 3 years ago
It may be very small consolation, but you are posting some of your best blogs ever on this subject. I think it's because you are touching an an awful experience that most everyone goes through.
Geoff Taylor
· 3 years ago
I don't know what to say. Most of us are strangers but we all deal with similar pains. My wife just lost her grandmother recently. One day she's up and smiling and we're all having fun playing bingo with her and her friends at the senior care home she lived at. The next day she falls and she's gone in ten minutes. I don't know what to say. Sitting at the funeral home, watching everyone sitting around so upset... I tried to mention what little funny or warm stories I knew about her in the short two years I'd been around her to cheer folks up a tiny bit. But the tears all came back. It's hard, so hard. I still have both of my parents but they're getting up there in years. My Dad celebrated his 70th this year. I try not to think about it. A good friend lost his mother last year to cancer. His dad died this year. My friend is only 30. I can't imagine. It's so hard for us to let go.
Love those you have. Cherish every day with them. And put everything you have into creating new memories with your friends and family to enjoy. It's all we can do, but I think that's plenty of a reason to always look forward to tomorrow.
Samantha Murphy
· 3 years ago
Robert, I don't know what to say or where to start. The fact that your mother raised you makes her a beautiful person in my eyes. Clearly you are a person who lives soulfully and honestly and I have such admiration for you!
Just remember that it is hardest for those who are left, not the leaving. I think that brings some comfort. I'm truly sorry for your loss and I thank God you have Maryam and that she's arriving tomorrow.
Lots of love and peace in this difficult time. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Samantha
William
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert,
Sorry for the late phone call tonight but I was in Seattle for my MS interviews and I was checking your blog for an update on your mom before I turned in for the night. I wanted to let you know I was thinking about your mom and your family today. I am so sorry to hear about the recent news in the last 24 hours. My prayers go out to your family and thank you for sharing during these difficult times.
While my day did not go as I hoped you have reminded me and many others of the importance of family. Your blog has touched so many people all over the world that you have truly made a difference in many people’s lives.
Sincerely, William
Chris P
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert,
Sorry to hear about your Mom.
Went through much the same with mine last winter, though much more quickly.
Cry when you need to.
Just remember to pull over, if you are driving.
Be with friends or family as much as you can.
You don't need to be alone just now.
Playing with kids and pets helps too.
Remember to keep hydrated.
cp
Stefano Demiliani
· 3 years ago
Robert, I see this bad news only today. I'd like to send you all my support for this terrible moment, I can totally undertand your "feeling bad". Please bring all your forces and energy to start your new days, and cry if you need... it's human. My heart is with you.
Tim Draayer
· 3 years ago
There is absolutely no reason to apologize, Robert. God be with you.
Philip Hodgetts
· 3 years ago
Robert, just another well-wisher among many. I cried reading your blog tonight. Right now I'm in the opposite position - my mom is visiting from Australia and I'm enjoying her company while I can. Mother can be the most annoying people in our lives (sometimes) but it's now time for me to enjoy her company while I can. Reading what you're going through makes me realise just how precious the time I have with her is.
Crying is good therapy, to be recommended.
Philip
Rory Donnelly
· 3 years ago
Robert, I only just picked up on your situation through your comment on Sean Alexander's blog, who as you know has had a bad time recently. My father went into a respite home last Monday after a serious decline in his Alzheimer's condition. He has no short-term memory any more, and forgets I've been to see him 15 minutes after I've left. He is a big man in all the meanings of the word, and despite his mental deterioration, he is in peak physical condition for his 76 years on this earth.
We must be strong for those others around us at times like these, and try to remember the good times. My thoughts are with you during these trying times.
Rory.
Lee H
· 3 years ago
Robert, if our thoughts and prayers are helping through these difficult times, know that there's a lot of people around the globe who are wishing that the hurt is eased, are thinking of all of you and praying.
Jason Untulis
· 3 years ago
"Go and hug your family. It sounds so stupid to say that usually"...
No, it doesn't. Everyone should do that every fscking day. Sometimes you can predict someone important to you leaving, but more often than not, they are gone before you know it. So tell them you love them every time you can because you never know if it will be the last time you get the chance...
mark o'brien
· 3 years ago
so sorry to hear of this, robert. you're in my prayers. very tough thing to walk/crawl through.
mark o'brien (pastor)
tibo
· 3 years ago
Robert, I Went home still thinking about your mom in hospital since I also have some close friends & colleagues who recently lost their mom during the same long terrible pain (please excuse my English if anything seems akward, I'm French). Well, there's not much thing you can do to help but as in many situation I always felt southing to listen to some music. So I thought that my way of saying I care would be to decide on a short thinking-about-loved-ones-when-they're-in-pain kit. It's here : http://www.mobjazz.com/2006/05/thinking-about-l...
Ken
· 3 years ago
We're listening, Robert. Keep writing it down and letting it out. Thank you for sharing and reminding us of just what it is we have. Ken
dahowlett
· 3 years ago
Been there - horrific. The only consolation I can offer is ro say that it does get better - gradually and at the pace that's right for you. All the very best to you and your family.
Donna Tocci
· 3 years ago
Robert - I'd missed your blog for a few days, but read Maryam's this morning and read her touching tribute to your mom. You are blessed with a wonderfully close family. That is nothing to take for granted and yes, tell them at any chance you get how much they mean to you. On your blog, on the phone, in person - however you can. No apologies ever necessary for that. My thoughts and prayers will be with you, Maryam and your whole family during this time.
Matt O'Neill
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert,
We don't know each other very well, apart from a couple of emails. However, like so many others, I'm thinking of you.
All the best,
Matt
Paula Gregorowicz
· 3 years ago
Thank you for being human and courageous enough to take a break from regularly scheduled programming to share what's going on for you. I think the human aspect of life gets lost so often, especially in the realm of big big business, and your choice to be authentic is an important model for us all.
You question: "What would you do differently if you had only 1,000 breaths to take?"
Is an outstanding coaching question... and my guess is that many of us would choose a different path for the next 1,000 breaths if we wrapped out minds around the fact that it could be our last 1,000 breaths. Who REALLY knows.
Thoughts & prayers go out to you....
len bullard
· 3 years ago
Yes, it sucks. How to say goodbye: whatever she most liked you to do and enjoyed watching you doing or knowing you do, do that.
My father taught all of his sons to play guitar and played with us. While he was making his way into the next world, three of us sat in the next room and played our guitars and all of the songs he loved for three hours. Five minutes after we stopped, so did he. It won't not hurt. The depth of the hurt is equal to the depth of the love, but it will give you a memory that is better than tears.
Later on, you will find that you can talk to her whenever you wish and hear her voice. Don't debate the science of that; take it on faith. It is true.
My deepest condolences.
len
Livia
· 3 years ago
She loves you and you love her. That's what matters. Nothing will ever change this and you will never lose her.
All Comments
Love and prayers,
Hugh
These are small gestures of support. I'm extremely happy if they make you feel better. It's the least I can do.
What you said reminds me of a saying my father once told me: "What would you do if you knew today was your last day to live?" he once asked. I fumbled, thought and enumerated some of the noble things I've always wanted to do. "Life's fickle and unknowable" he then said. "You never know which day marks the end. Treat every moment like it's your last, and do what you've always wanted to".
It's so true, isn't it? Anyways, keep the faith and hang in there.
Kaushik
Love and prayers.
Graham
In addition to the comfort that blogging is bringing you, your call to people to step up and articulate their last wishes is an incredibly valuable service. I have been in both situations (DNR order and no DNR order), and the pain of having to make the decision on behalf of a loved one is something no one should have to go through. I'm glad you have that small comfort, in the face of overwhelming grief.
Be gentle to yourself, remember to breathe, and give Maryam an extra big hug when she arrives on Friday.
DnW
Support is everywher my friend. I do hope you find peace in the final outcome.
Thoughts and prayers,
Michael.
Human life does not move with the regularity of a clock. In living there are gaps and silences when the soul stands still in it's flight through abysses - and there are times of trial and tribulation and times of struggle when we grow old without knowing it.
If I may suggest, make sure you use this time and opportunity to connect with your family on a deeper level, or perhaps just reconnect with them. Death is the greatest leveller of people, and it doesn't only have that effect on the loved one passing away.
I am sad to hear about your mom's situation. Best wishes for her and the whole family.
Take care,
Bertrand
When we talked with Joi and his videocrew at SXSW in April, about your Mom, she sounded vital and lively, so this is such a surprise.
Aren't you lucky to have Maryam there tomorrow! Hang in there. Love -- H
It is a form of release for you and will help you deal with what you are going through.
Warm regards from Cork.
Tom.
DONT stop crying,
Keep those closest close,
Never take offence at anything any one says. Your ability to judge people's intent is being warped by this massive black hole that is filling your head.
It does heal. But right now you dont believe that!
Take help when it is offered, you do need it.
Sorry to burble on. This world that you have helped create is all around you and with you.
Charlie
Take care mate. Take some time out for yourself and loved ones. We'll all be here when you return.
In our prayers,
Ian.
My prayers are with you and your family.
Paul
Family will help with the change. Rely on them. Take care.
Matthew
Hang in there.
Don't be afraid to show your grief, but continue to enjoy your life much as your mother would like you to. Remember, that after she passes, she will always be with you, wherever you go.
Us alcoholics are blessed in a sense in that we have to deal with many of these moments and situations long before most.
I will pray for your mother and for you to have the strength to get through this.
Hang in there my man. I know how it is. I wish you and your family all the best. Good times pass too fast while the bad ones linger too long.
All my prayers will be with you and your family this week.
These posts are beautiful and I don't think any of us are bugged by them in the least. I relate to what you said about the computer being reassuring. My grandfather died a couple of years ago and I was very thankful to post to a group and receive comments in return.
I think you've done a great service by urging people to talk with their loved ones about these decisions in life. We don't know when they are going to come up. I spoke with my parents about this a decade ago and had them show me where their paperwork is. Three years ago when my partner and I bought a home, we went to a lawyer and had wills, medical powers of attorney and powers of attorney drawn up. We had discussed these matters before, but having it in writing made it so much more permanent. It prompted her to call her relatives and have further talks and I called my brother and sister to do the same. It's not morbid to do so - it's practical and important. All too often this is avoided. When people have these discussions it can ease the ones left behind because these decisions have already been made. Now the ones left behind can get to the hard path of grieving without agonizing over what to do.
Take care. Peace to your loved ones.
There are no tips and tricks to get you through it. Well, I have one: with my father-in-law I was more aware of what was happening than with my own father. It worked for me: be aware of what is happening, be open to both to great and painfull things that are happening, don't close your eyes. It will help you later on.
My thoughts and prayers to you and the rest of your family.
Adnan
I'm praying for you. I know that sounds trite and jaded, but you know something --- it works. I don't know how you see things in terms of with God, but He listens.
I lost my wife of almost 10 years to terminal ovarian cancer a mere 3 weeks ago. I know your pain. I watched my wife slowly fade from being a beautiful woman to someone who just wanted it over. I still haven't really come to terms with it.
Pray, dude. Pray hard. Pray for God's will, not your own, and you'll rest easier.
In Christ,
Rob
Hang in there.
Robert
Wireless Doc
"All things wireless for clinical support, including handhelds and smartphones..."
http://billkosloskymd.typepad.com/wirelessdoc/
Keeping you and your family in prayer. Thank you for the reminder to us all to sit down and talk about topics we tend to avoid. It really does make a difference.
Greg
I am so sorry to hear about your mother.
You and your family will be in our thoughts.
Peace.
Cherish every smile, every sign of connection. I send you and your family all the best of wishes.
Take care of yourself and those you love at this time. One of the things I found most overwhelming was the kindness of strangers and how you discover more about your friends (and family) as they support you during this time.
Both parents had left DNR instructions but I had to re-authorise them as the paperwork was several years old. Very tough. It was a gift your Mom gave her family to have been so clear. We should all give this gift to our families.
A friend just lost his 39-year old wife to a stroke.
Life isn't a rehearsal. Live it well. Be good to yourself.
Consider yourself blessed my friend, and cherish every second you have.
This will sound odd, but the 'best' part of the experience was that my brother and I literally spent a week hanging out together in her room, with nothing to do. She was in an institution at that point and all of her belongings were in the one room. We ended up pulling out all of the old photos and letters that she had, as well as phoning many of her friends. It helped us remember that at one point she was a vivacious woman, something we had seemed to forget as time took its toll on her. We were also constantly reminded by others of how proud she was of her boys. My brother and I talked like we hadn't in years. The nurses had told us that hearing is the last of the senses to go - I'm sure that having her two sons chatting away by her side made her happy.
Take care.
My heart goes out to you. I was in a similar situation with my grandmother back in '01.
She and all of us decided no more hospitals, let her die at home, not in a hospital stuck full of tubes.
My dad and step-mom are closing in on 90. They have documents with the family lawyer detailing "no heroic measures." If that time ever comes, then there's no question about it, their wishes are in writing.
Something we might all think about doing.
Hang in there Scoble, you got thousands thinking about you.
Paul J
May the peace of the Lord be with you and carry you during this difficult time.
Thank you for your posts and your excellent advise on making preparations in advance. One piece of advice to everyone: be very careful in writing advance directives. Medical decisions aren't always black and white. The best course is to appoint someone to make health care decisions for you. A poorly worded, strict DNR document could prevent doctors from performing life-saving procedures.
You and your family are in my prayers.
When my Dad was dying of Prostate Cancer , several years ago ,my aunt and I rented Kangaroo Jack
My Dad was in a hospital bed in his house
an d we had TV and DVD setup for his enjoyment
Ive never seen my Dad and Aunt laugh so hard
,even while my Dad was laying in a hospital bed
Some times its good to get the mind off the sad stuff
and laugh for a few moments
Spend the moments you Rob , because these moments
will be with you forever
Dont be afraid to cry ,go for drive
Let it all out , be strong my friend
Also write Mom a letter , say everything you want to say ,,
Let her read it , so she understands your love and your feelings
Know that were here for you .
Best Wishes Rob
John Piercy
Thinking and praying for you and your family. My 14 year old son had a stroke a year ago and completely recovered. We didn't know what it was at first. I realize even more how lucky we are. Now I'm off to call my mom BEFORE mother's day..
Brian
I'm so sorry to hear about this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. From the comments, it's obvious the support you have, which is a testimonial to what you've done for everyone...but it certainly doesn't make it any easier.
Kevin
And yes, EVDO is a blessing.
I am very sorry to hear about your mom, I understand how you feel.
My prayer are with you...
Jim
I did and recieved 'keep the faith' messages, hugs, wishes... from ppl i didn't even know. most of 'em visit my blog for their dose of microsoft n technology tid-bits.
i was moved... n got the strength to carry thru the night.
:)
it returned an error, which i guess was because it didn't take .info to be a valid email address.
shouldn't u do smthin 'bout it?
My thoughts are with you. Thanks for writing about this - it's good to be reminded of how precious and uncertain life is so we can live it to the fullest and pay attention to the things that matter most.
Jon
Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Before the Internet, we relied on a physical network of friends. Older generations don't get how real the support of our virtual network can be. Lean on us all you need.
Cali
Sorry to hear about your mom's deteriorating condition. My thoughts are with you.
Spend as much time as you possibly can with her. Cherish the last moments!
Best,
Farid
We had the talk a while ago, and have everything in writing.
The only catch is, where did we put it? :-( Oh, well, at least that's one good thing about having to pack everything...
BTW, I have concluded that you should have those wishes tatoo'd on your ass if you want the medical people to get them in a timely manner.
Something about the blogosphere, is that it seems to bring people who would otherwise be very distant, very close.
As an EMT/Firefighter on the side, I must thank you for advising others to talk about this stuff ahead of time and let others know their wishes. Things happen so fast, and without warning... We should all cherish every moment we share with the ones we love.
Our prayers are with you and your family. We will be here when you return.
The tranlisterated words are Hebrew.
Mi shebeirach avoteinu
M'kor habracha l'imoteinu
May the source of strength who blessed the ones before us,
Help us find the courage to make our lives a blessing
And let us say: Amen.
Mi shebeirach imoteinu
M'kor habracha l'avoteinu
Bless those in need of healing with refuah sh'leimah
The renewal of body, the renewal of spirit
And let us say: Amen.
The song can be heard here.
My thoughts are with all of you. I'm sorry I didn't check your blog sooner.
Be well, take care, and take your time.
I lost my dad to cancer in '92 and you feel helpless when you see someone you love in pain or "no longer with us" in some way ... But I'm glad to read that you've been crying - it's healthy - and spending time with your loved ones.
Thinking of you and your family. And I'll be sure to hug mine tonite. Best ... Karen
I hope that the thousands of people in this global village who think they know you through your blog and have you and your family in their hearts and thoughts at this time make a difference to you over the coming days and ease the pain a little.
Take care.
Please know that our thoughts and prayers go out to you and the entire Scoble family at this time.
Leave nothing unsaid. It will help.
If hospice is available, take advantage of it.
Help her have a soft landing. And know we are all pulling for you.
Kind regards,
Keith
Having lost my daughter, mother, father, grandparents, friends, I could only say, death itself, by itself, isn't really the worst thing. It's actually peaceful, by itself. It's everything before and everything after that's so hard. So don't be afraid of the actual death of your loved one, it's more about preparing yourself for afterwards.
Try to take as many pictures as you can, write down everything in a journal, a private one, not just a blog, even if you don't even look at it now, you'll want to later.
May God hold you all in the palm of His hand!
I hope all the good wishes and prayers from all around the small world help ease your mom's trials and your family's pain.
My best goes out to you and yours!
Our prayers are with you all. May God gives you all the strength. Believe and Pray for God's will and his terms - MIRACLES do happen. God Bless!
Love those you have. Cherish every day with them. And put everything you have into creating new memories with your friends and family to enjoy. It's all we can do, but I think that's plenty of a reason to always look forward to tomorrow.
The fact that your mother raised you makes her a beautiful person in my eyes. Clearly you are a person who lives soulfully and honestly and I have such admiration for you!
Just remember that it is hardest for those who are left, not the leaving. I think that brings some comfort. I'm truly sorry for your loss and I thank God you have Maryam and that she's arriving tomorrow.
Lots of love and peace in this difficult time. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Samantha
Sorry for the late phone call tonight but I was in Seattle for my MS interviews and I was checking your blog for an update on your mom before I turned in for the night. I wanted to let you know I was thinking about your mom and your family today. I am so sorry to hear about the recent news in the last 24 hours. My prayers go out to your family and thank you for sharing during these difficult times.
While my day did not go as I hoped you have reminded me and many others of the importance of family. Your blog has touched so many people all over the world that you have truly made a difference in many people’s lives.
Sincerely,
William
Sorry to hear about your Mom.
Went through much the same with mine last winter, though much more quickly.
Cry when you need to.
Just remember to pull over, if you are driving.
Be with friends or family as much as you can.
You don't need to be alone just now.
Playing with kids and pets helps too.
Remember to keep hydrated.
cp
Please bring all your forces and energy to start your new days, and cry if you need... it's human.
My heart is with you.
Crying is good therapy, to be recommended.
Philip
We must be strong for those others around us at times like these, and try to remember the good times. My thoughts are with you during these trying times.
Rory.
No, it doesn't. Everyone should do that every fscking day. Sometimes you can predict someone important to you leaving, but more often than not, they are gone before you know it. So tell them you love them every time you can because you never know if it will be the last time you get the chance...
mark o'brien (pastor)
Ken
We don't know each other very well, apart from a couple of emails. However, like so many others, I'm thinking of you.
All the best,
Matt
You question:
"What would you do differently if you had only 1,000 breaths to take?"
Is an outstanding coaching question... and my guess is that many of us would choose a different path for the next 1,000 breaths if we wrapped out minds around the fact that it could be our last 1,000 breaths. Who REALLY knows.
Thoughts & prayers go out to you....
My father taught all of his sons to play guitar and played with us. While he was making his way into the next world, three of us sat in the next room and played our guitars and all of the songs he loved for three hours. Five minutes after we stopped, so did he. It won't not hurt. The depth of the hurt is equal to the depth of the love, but it will give you a memory that is better than tears.
Later on, you will find that you can talk to her whenever you wish and hear her voice. Don't debate the science of that; take it on faith. It is true.
My deepest condolences.
len
All the best.