Tough news indeed. I feel for you. It's never easy watching someone you love go through something like this. You are so right about the need for living wills and similar statements about how one wants medical treatment handled. My wife and I had to make decisions about how to proceed for her grandmother and it was agony. Having a living will for my mother in law made things easier for us when we was going through her final days in March. Everyone should think about a living will because you never know what can happen and you don't want those decisions to weigh heavy on your loved ones.
There's no good way to go through this. Sit with her, be with her, tell her you love her, tell her funny stories.
"You're born alone, and you die alone. What makes life worthwhile are the friends and family you find along the way, and having someone to hold your hand at the end."
Yul Brynner, (paraphrased)
haikushoe
· 3 years ago
I experienced the same thing with my mother back in 2000. She had a stroke and was going to need some rehab but otherwise would have had an almost normal life. While in the hospital she had another stroke which was as you write, catastrophic.
My Mom had a living will so my Dad sat down with us and we discussed her wishes. All life support was removed and there was a do not resuscitate order. She was transfered to a hospice and lived for 40 days. My brother, sister, and I stayed with her in the evenings and my Dad stayed with her during the day.
It was tough watching my Dad clinging to hope of a miracle. When she passed we were all at her side. She waited for my Dad to make the 30 minute drive to the hospital then passed in his arms.
I tear up now still talking to you about her passing. All I can say is don't shut down your feelings. Feel it all. Be there.
Brandon Paddock
· 3 years ago
Robert, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I wanted you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts. Take care of each other.
martin english
· 3 years ago
It's easy to let your sadness and grief overwhelm you right now; all I can offer from my experience is that you must remember to remember - who she was last week, last year, those special moments from 5, 10, 15 years ago, from your childhood. Death is the end of a person's life here (No, I don't want to get into a conversation about what happens next), but it is not their whole life. Just remember to celebrate and commemorate her whole life.
Dan Lyke
· 3 years ago
I've few regrets in my life (although I've had some collosal screw-ups), but the one I regret most is telling my dying grandmother to "be strong". Screw that, what I should have said is "when it's your time, let go, and don't let the rest of us make you feel guilty for succumbing to the inevitable".
To hell with Dylan Thomas, go gentle into that good night.
However you struggle through the decisions that only you can make, be present, don't fight the things you cannot change, and remember to let yourself cry.
russ stalters
· 3 years ago
Robert, Really sorry to hear about the news. I lost my mom almost 2 years ago. It was tough loosing my last parent.
Take care of yourself and your family. I know it will be tough to hear but your mom probably would want you focus on life (wife, children, siblings, etc.) rather than focus on death. If or when she does pass, clebrate her life and what she gave you and you sibs.
An new friend and respectful admirer, russ...
Rod Trent
· 3 years ago
Sorry to hear that Robert. Times like these are always tough. Our family has been through this a lot lately as our relatives are getting older. It really helps to simply let the emotions go.
Mario Sundar
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I've always read your blog even though I dont subscribe to all your viewpoints. I gotta say that it takes a lot of courage to blog about something as personal as this.
I'm really sorry to hear about these tough times for you. However, KEEP THE FAITH and I'll surely keep you and your family in my prayers. Mario
J. Botter
· 3 years ago
Robert, I am praying for you and yours right now. Nothing we say could ever help in any way in times like these, so I won't even try. I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and I will say a prayer for you before heading to sleep tonight.
Best,
Jeremy Botter
Sterling Camden
· 3 years ago
Tough indeed. I lost my father eight years ago, and I only got to speak to him over the phone as I was on my way to see him -- he was gone by the time I arrived. If you weren't close to your mother before, perhaps now is your chance to fix that. Cherish the moments.
Larry Osterman
· 3 years ago
Oh Crud.
I'm so sorry to hear this, I was really hoping it wouldn't be that bad.
There's nothing I can say that will help with the pain you're going through right now, all I can say is that my prayers are with you and your family.
paul
· 3 years ago
She will always be part of you....
Des Paroz
· 3 years ago
Hey Robert
I can't imagine how you must feel. Only that it really sucks.
My thoughts are with you, and your family.
Cheers
Des
Garrett Fitzgerald
· 3 years ago
Donna went through this with her grandma. She had been talking to her about family history earlier in the evening, and after the stroke, Donna spent the rest of the year building on the framework that they had laid that night.
She was the only one in the family who was able to stay with her to the end after they turned off life support. She's glad she did.
David
· 3 years ago
All the best to you and your family. It is a very very hard thing. Right now my father lies in a hospital with CHF. His future, very uncertain. I know what you're going through.
On a tech note, my daughter (7) is very interested in all the equipment around when we visit him. She is always asking "what does that do?" Then I realized, these are all specialized computers (even the bed has an lcd) doing their particular tasks. The room TV's even have Internet access and email. Yikes!
Matt
· 3 years ago
Robert, you have my thoughts and prayers. I can not put into words what I feel (I lost someone very close to me quite recently), but just know that there are a lot of us out here thinking of you.
Garrett Fitzgerald
· 3 years ago
If I had anything useful to offer, I'd give you a call, but since I haven't lost a parent, I'll sit this out and let the experienced people help.
laubscher
· 3 years ago
Death and taxes. You're living a time we all dread, and all will have to live through. It's inspirational to see the strength with which you're enduring this.
I don't know you from a bar of soap, but that "One hand squeeze at a time" line put a huge lump in my throat. Good luck.
Victor Cajiao
· 3 years ago
Robert, I'd be lying if I said I can imagine how you feel. I can't and therefore I'll just pray for your Mother, you and your family, that God may bring all of you piece.
Garrett Fitzgerald
· 3 years ago
Sorry, correction on the above comment: Donna, her sister, and one of their aunts stayed.
Steve Rubel
· 3 years ago
Scoble, my friend, my thoughts are with you and your family.
Brandon LeBlanc
· 3 years ago
Robert,
My prayers are with you and your family. As many folks ahve pointed out above, it takes great courage to talk about this here.
All my hopes!
Tara 'Miss Rogue' Hunt
· 3 years ago
Man, Robert. I'm sending lotsa love and good vibes your way. I'm so sorry to hear this. Moms are so special.
xo
Nollind Whachell
· 3 years ago
"How do you say goodbye? One hand squeeze at a time."
Sometimes the simplest acts convey the deepest emotions. The message will get through. Take care. We're with you.
Mike McBride
· 3 years ago
I'm sorry for your news Robert. My thoughts are with you and your whole family at this time. May your many happy memories of her live sustain you through this difficult time.
Sam Gentile
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I am so sorry. You all will certainly be in our prayers. Please don't hesitate if I can do anything or even if you need someone to talk to.
Ryan Naraine
· 3 years ago
Stay strong Robert. I can't imagine what you guys must be going through. My thoughts are with your family.
_ryan
FMF
· 3 years ago
I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm almost crying myself as I type this. Words are not enough, so I'll just say that you and your family remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Jake Good
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Keep your head up... My thoughts will be with you and your family.
-Jake
Guy Pelletier
· 3 years ago
Robert, I do not know your mother, she must be a fine woman, you can tell by the way she raised such a fine son. As the minutes past into the unknown future, may each moment be as precious as you and your family can make it.
kevintunis
· 3 years ago
Robert,
So sorry to hear of the latest news about your mom. It is hard to lose someone no matter how. My Dad died of a massive heart attack 10 years ago so I know what you are going thru. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family during this difficult time.
Paul Montgomery
· 3 years ago
Chin up, Scobles young and old. Celebrate her life. I went through the same thing with my grandmother last year, to whom I was very close. She wouldn't want me to be sad on her account, and I'm sure the same applies to you. Laugh about the good times.
Robert Porter
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Words fail prayers never do. You are in our thoughts and prayers as is your family.
A reader.
Tracy Sheridan
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Tonight I asked my mother to read her favorite excerpt from a book I bought her last Mother's Day. We hope it makes your Mom smile, at least inside.
"Everybody knows that a good Mother gives her children a feeling of trust and stability. She is their Earth. She is the one they can count on for the things that matter most of all. She is their food and their bed and the extra blanket when it grows cold in the night; she is their warmth and their health and their shelter; she is the one they want to be near when they cry. She is the only person in the whole world in a whole lifetime who can be these things to her children. There is no substitute for her. Somehow even her clothes feel different to her children's hand than anybody else's clothes. Only to touch her skirt or her sleeve makes a troubled child feel better."
-Katherine Butler Hathaway, American Writer
Jim Holmes
· 3 years ago
My prayers for you and your family. May you get through this horrible time in as smooth a fashion as possible.
Robert A. Wlodarczyk
· 3 years ago
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Rick Mahn
· 3 years ago
Robert, I've simply no words of wisdom to offer, though I often enjoy reading yours. Your family is in our prayers.
Our prayers are with you and your family. May God's peace be with you and your family.
Michael Caruso
· 3 years ago
Hang in there Robert. You and your mom will be in our prayers as well. I am terribly sorry. Stay strong.
yannickt
· 3 years ago
Robert,
you have my sympathy. Just remember that there is hope at the end of every life. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Susan Kitchens
· 3 years ago
Robert, I wish you and your family well, the comfort of friends and family, and strength and peace that comes from Places Unknown while you all walk with your Mom through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. One breath at a time, one minute at a time, one handsqueeze at a time.
A friend of my mother's died from a stroke, and I loaned my friend a bunch of celtic music CDs (her Mom was Irish & so liked Celtic, which I have lots of). It was a great comfort to my friend, and she believes that the music made a difference -- for the positive-- in the last days of her Mom's life. If it seems right to you, consider playing music for your Mom as a way to be with her and communicate in a way where words are no longer useful.
Love and peace,
Susan
Bill Gardner
· 3 years ago
Robert and Alex I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Randy Charles Morin
· 3 years ago
Your mom will be in my prayers tonight.
Shane Perran
· 3 years ago
Try to keep your head, and spirits up.
mjb
· 3 years ago
Robert, My thoughts and prayers are with your mom, your family, and you. I'm very sorry to hear your news. I hope your memories and the love of your family and friends provides some comfort to you.
WindowsObserver
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Spend whatever time you can with her and make that contact with her. Say the things you need to say to her - she will understand them.
May God's grace and light shine upon you and your family as you go through this difficult time.
Rich
Roberto J. Dohnert
· 3 years ago
Im so sorry Robert. I lost my grandfather that way and its just a screwed up situation to be in. My thoughts are with you my friend.
Jacob levy
· 3 years ago
Robert
this is exactly what happened with my Dad. Its extremely tough and hard to go through. My dad never woke up from the stroke. One minute he was there, the next minute gone forever.
My thoughts are with you and with your Mom.
Jacob
feedscott
· 3 years ago
Hey Scob,
You and Yours are in my prayers.
Scott
Tracy Sheridan
· 3 years ago
Robert - Tonight I asked my mother to read her favorite excerpt from a book I gave to her last Mother's Day - for you, your family and your Mom. We hope it makes her smile, at least on the inside:
"Everybody knows that a good Mother gives her children a feeling of trust and stability. She is their Earth. She is the one they can count on for the things that matter most of all. She is their food and their bed and the extra blanket when it grows cold in the night; she is their warmth and their health and their shelter; she is the one they want to be near when they cry. She is the only person in the whole world in a whole lifetime who can be these things to her children. There is no substitute for her. Somehow even her clothes feel different to her children's hand than anybody else's clothes. Only to touch her skirt or her sleeve makes a troubled child feel better."
Katherine Butler Hathaway, 1890-1942 American Writer
Anthony Clendenen
· 3 years ago
Robert, you, your mother, brother, and all of your family are in the Clendenen's prayers and thoughts.
Warmest Regards in this very difficult time, Anthony
Hash
· 3 years ago
Robert,
My thoughts and prayers are with you in this gravest of times. Remember the footprints in the sand. It is when times are the toughest that the Lord will carry you on his shoulders.
For all the bickering that happens on this blog, you must see that when it comes to things that matter, everyone is behind you. Seeing the number of people that left their messages on this blog shows you the number of lives you have touched. Your mother will be very proud of you.
I will pray for the good Lord to give you the strength to bear this burden.
Hash
Sean Duff
· 3 years ago
My family's heart and prayers are with you and yours. Remember the good times, they will be with your forever.
Sean
David Johnson
· 3 years ago
Robert, try and remember that we are born, to live, to die.. It is hard on the family when someone passes away or even worse, such as it is in your case, has a stroke or heart attack that makes the ending a forgone conclusion. It is easier on the if it happens very quickly. Unfortunately my mother died of emphasemia (sp) and I watched her waste away for about 5 years.. The final year it was almost a bi-monthly trip to the hospital to be asked the fateful question of what are her wishes (do we continue treatment or not).. My mother had asked that she have a DNR on her file and when she was sent to another hospital via ambulance they put her on life support (then I was asked the question: of how long is too long in her mind, which was a subject that was never really discussed). Though I did know that she did not want to be on extended life support.
What you will have to remember is all the fun times that you and she had.. even the times she was giving you heck in only the ways that she could, and so forth..
My thoughts will be with you.. Take care, my extended friend.
Venky Krishnamoorthy
· 3 years ago
Rob, I am reading this post, then saw the pic and have tears in my eyes. God bless you and your family.
Nino Benvenuti
· 3 years ago
I'm so sorry to hear, Robert. My thoughts are with you and your family. May all the happy memories help to sustain you during this difficult time. Losing a parent is tough thing; my father past away eight years ago. I just wish I could have been there. Cherish every moment.
Bill Riski
· 3 years ago
Robert,
My thoughts are with you during these difficult times. I imagine how very proud of you she must be. Take care.
Patrick Jakubowski
· 3 years ago
Robert, you and yours are in my prayers.
Andy
· 3 years ago
Robert you and your family have my best wishes during this time. I watched my mother die far too soon from ALS. I'm still upset that I didn't make the most of her last lucid moments but I did put it in perspective given some time. As hard as things seem now, your life will get better. My suggestion would be to take things day by day and try and support the other members of your family as hopefully they can do with you. Take care.
Bill Koslosky, MD
· 3 years ago
Robert:
I'm glad you blogged about this experience. It helps us realize the things that are really important besides all the techie stuff.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Bill K.
Brendan
· 3 years ago
You have my deepest sympathies Robert and despite not being a religious person myself will say a prayer for she, you and your family.
Steve
· 3 years ago
Your post strikes a chord with me. I will not burden you with the many reasons, but I can say with certainty that I can empathize.
Much though I wish I could share words that would comfort you, I know there is little, if anything, I can add. Just know that, as comforting as it is to your mother, it is more so a privilege to you to be present during her final hours, when she needs you. May God bless her, and you, and your whole family, and may he bring each of you comfort.
Doug Porter
· 3 years ago
Robert, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.
Doug
James Clark
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Two years and one day ago my wife and lost a child. A good friend of mine stood by my side and told me, "The journey of every soul is meant to be a celebration. No matter how long, or how short the journey, celebrate it in love." That took me through some very dark times.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
With loving intent.
James
James Smith
· 3 years ago
Robert I told my mother that I loved her and so did God. She died the next day, calmly. The cancer which hounded her for 20 years finally took her from us. My brothers were also with her in her final hours. We have lost a mother and the very source of our lives. Best to you and your family. James
Peter Svensk
· 3 years ago
Robert: My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.
Do try to take some time to remember the good memories of the past, realize the blessings of the present, and see the promise of the future. Take good care.
Rob Wall
· 3 years ago
Courage!
Simon Heseltine
· 3 years ago
I was hoping from your previous post that you'd hear some better news. At least you and your family have a chance to say your goodbyes to her. Take care, and always remember the woman that was, not the woman in the hospital bed.
A Friend
· 3 years ago
Robert,
My thoughts are with you, your family, and your mom.
We'll all pull through this together. Keep writing your informative, powerful, and emotional blog.
You're doing all the right things.
Kaushik Mohan
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I'm truly sorry. God Bless.
Kaushik
Slaven
· 3 years ago
Sorry to hear that Robert - I wish you all the best, and hope you and your family have all the strength you need to get through it.
Eric W. Bachtal
· 3 years ago
Our thoughts are with you and your family, Mr. Scoble.
Marc Orchant
· 3 years ago
Robert: You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Having just had a heart-related scare with my mom, I have a glimmer of some of the emotions you're wrestling with. Be strong - give each other lots of hugs - and know that there are many, many people thinking of you in this difficult time.
Nick F. Ellis
· 3 years ago
Robert, we are praying for you and your Mom. May a miracle happen to you.
All the best regards.
Scott Royall
· 3 years ago
This is one of those times when all the words of sympathy and condolence seem so empty. Yet, that is really all that those of us on the outside can offer.
At least your mom knows her family is present for her final days. That's a comfort I don't think I'll have.
Anyway, it sounds like her life made a difference, and that's all any of us can really hope for.
H
· 3 years ago
I will remember her in my prayer tomorrow morning.
vinnie mirchandani
· 3 years ago
I know it is tough to look at the bright side - but you are getting to spend a little time with her. Good luck...
Karthik
· 3 years ago
Robert, You have the support of all of us in these tough times. I'm glad you chose to share this personal struggle with the community who reads your site. I'm just sorry that things turned out so catastrophic. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Graham Smith
· 3 years ago
Robert, i know how you are feeling i lost my mother 4 weeks ago, she died of cancer. But i managed to be by her side when she finally went to sleep, and am sure that she understood and appreciated her family by her side at that time, even though she couldn't tell us.
Here is something for you and your family, it was said at my mothers funeral (sorry it is a little long, but it may help you at this time, like it helped me.)
Go gently dear Mum. Go gently to a rest beyond words. And may something of your new joy translate itself in time in our regard. We wait in eager longing and with one ray of hope. And that ray shines out - hope. It brightens our darkness and guarantees our belonging with you always. That ray speaks to us in your name now and tells us how cherished we are by you forever. In your name it whispers:
'Cherish everything of my care for you. Cherish my parenting of you, with all its fondest moments; its intimacy; its closeness. cherish these and hand them on so that I might parent my children's children. Love is eternal and I'm here to welcome you to your eternal home. And so I say to you, my forever children, we will meet again on God's mountain top in an embrace that will last forever. For together we belong and together we belong and together we will be in the home of heaven. For this day brings for me, and for you, a new kind of belonging.'
Jason B
· 3 years ago
Just take it one day at a time Scoble. You'll find some strenth that perhaps you never knew you had.
Think of it as a time to catch up with the family that you still have and look forward to spending time with them in the future. I hope the news about your mom gets better.
Hang in there.
rick gregory
· 3 years ago
I'm so sorry Robert. Stay with her if you can, and remember what she's meant to you. This time is so hard, but you honor what she's meant to you just by being there with her.
Raj Bala
· 3 years ago
I sent a note to my parents after reading this to tell them that I love them. Life sucks sometimes. Hang in there.
Mini Scobleizer
· 3 years ago
wow. I love you dude ....this really suck I only wish I had seen her more .... Say hi to Alex and Ben for me. peace
old school
· 3 years ago
Robert, I've known you since the devx.offramp days. I've never spoken with you, or met you, but I've followed you all these years. It's been great watching your life unfold. Thanks so much for sharing. I'm terribly sorry about your Mother. I wish I could say more. Is there ever a time when life doesn't kick our ass? Hang in there.
Alex Williams
· 3 years ago
Hey, Robert -- Our thoughts are with you and your family. Echoing others, your Mom must be filled with joy that she has such a loving son as you. Take care.
Devil's Advocate
· 3 years ago
Sorry to hear that. I've been there myself and its hard and you're never ready.
Naotake Murayama
· 3 years ago
Robert, I'm terribly sorry to hear this. I can relate to you, albeit at a lesser level, due to some recent illnesses in my family. Do not give up just yet - I'm pretty sure your mom's feeling your love and caring and trying to fight back. I'm not particulary religious, but I'll be praying.
David Singer
· 3 years ago
Robert, I just went through this two weeks ago with my Mom, and you're right -- it sucks. And it sucks differently for you than it did for me.
Hold your Mom's hand and tell her you love her. Then repeat.
And take care of yourself, too.
-- David
Sanat Gersappa
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I'm really sorry. Experiences like these make us sit up and re-evaluate our perspectives and priorities in life.
Wish you and your family all the strength and courage to go through this.
themask
· 3 years ago
Robert, my father had a pretty bad stroke 6 years ago. For 3 weeks he did not move, did not open his eyes, did not recognize anybody. The doctors informed us that he would stay in a vegetative state, and possibly die within a few weeks. Turns out they were wrong. My father recovered. He is still alive. He can't move his right arm and foot, but he can walk with a cane, he talks, and most importantly he understands us. Though he's not the same he used to be, he enjoys his grandchildren, including two that were not even born when he got ill. They made him laugh more than once. The point is, don't despair, and don't give up yet. Your mother could recover, and she'd need all the love you can give her. Or maybe not. God only knows. My prayers are with you and your family.
shel israel
· 3 years ago
Just the number of Comments you have received here says a great deal about how most people feel about you, Robert. We are all trying to squeeze your hand as best we can. I wish there was something more we could do.
Matt Carter
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert: Know you've gone through a lot over the years: your strength will pull you through this, and give you the foundation to find peace here and celebrate her live and your relationship, in all directions it has gone. Take care and our thoughts are with you during this time. Matt
steve mcfarland
· 3 years ago
Robert,
You will be in my prayers. I hope for the best for you, your mother, and your family as you make such a shocking and difficult transition. As others have said, you will always have her, but loss is about relocating that person. I am so sorry.
Anthony Miller
· 3 years ago
Our thoughts are with you and yours.
Michael Scott
· 3 years ago
Thoughts and prayers.
Michael.
Mike Sanlon
· 3 years ago
Robert, so sorry to hear this. My family's thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
Jeff Clavier
· 3 years ago
I was just telling Babette about your mom and went to your blog to check on the latest developments. Needless to say that we are very sad for you and your family.
B & J.
herbert
· 3 years ago
everything will get better. my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. the best und helpfull wishes from abroad - Austria.
Tim Bishop
· 3 years ago
No particularly wise words, but my thoughts are with you, Robert.
gaurijo
· 3 years ago
I came to this blog for the first time. But I admire that you have written so honestly about one of the most painful times of your life. That takes courage..
Thoughts n Prayers.. g@u
Darren Straight
· 3 years ago
I'm sorry to hear it's come to this Robert, our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, best of wishes to the whole family.
-Darren
Martin Dolphin
· 3 years ago
My heart goes oout to you and your family Robert - I hope your last days with your Mum are the best they can be in the circumstances.
I also admire you for blogging about this - having blogged about very personal stuff in my time, I feel it helps - it's a type of therapy.
vassil
· 3 years ago
Robert, my family's prayers are with you and yours. V & L
polizeros
· 3 years ago
Tech is great, but comments like these are what blogging is really about.
Vadivel
· 3 years ago
Robert, I faced a similar situation in my life on April 3rd, 2005. My mother all of a sudden started vomitting and complained of severe headache. When we rushed her to the hospital we were informed that she is suffering from Brain hemorrhage :( We all were in total shock.
My father was really having a hope that my mother would revive soon. When we enquired about the quality of life which she would get ... if at all she survives ... doctors didn't give us any hope at all.
After discussing with my dad, my wife and my uncle I made a toughest decision in my life .... I informed the doctor to take her off the ventillator support :( I really donno how to explain the pain i underwent and the tears which came from my moms eyes added more pain to me.
I am getting emotional on when I write about that day's incident. huh I know the pain you would be undergoing as I have myself undergone it. Don't try to hide your emotions ... cry it out :(
Rod
· 3 years ago
Robert, there is a great and loving God who understands your pain even when we don't understand him or his ways. My family is praying for you. Lift up your heart.
sean coon
· 3 years ago
thoughts and prayers, robert.
Winston Pang
· 3 years ago
Hey Robert,
You're a cool guy on channel9, and this is really sad news :(. Hope you stick in there, you're really strong already, i hope things turn out alright.
- Winston
Christian Liensberger
· 3 years ago
She needs you now more then ever. She was there for you when you were young, now it's your turn to be there. Holds her hands as much as you can do. Look at her, don't try to cry. Just be with her.
Christian
will bierman
· 3 years ago
My thoughts to you and your family. Your Mom is in great hands there in Billings. My sister works in the hospital your Mom is staying in...
Robert Scoble
· 3 years ago
Will, really? This is such a small world.
Gary Short
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Just to let you known, our thoughts are with you this side of the pond too.
Jørgen Veisdal
· 3 years ago
Robert and Patrick,
I'm truly sorry.
Simon Speight
· 3 years ago
Robert,
So sorry to hear of your mother's illness. Not being religious I can't offer you a prayer, but you and your family will be in my thoughts over the next few days by way of silent support, and to keep me reminded of what's really important in life.
sunlie
· 3 years ago
Robert, sorry to hear the news. Be strong...
neville
· 3 years ago
I feel for you and your whole family, Robert. My mother-in-law died last October following a major stroke in April. She lingered for six months requiring constant care and then had a final, catastrophic stroke.
Nothing prepares you for it and it is the most awful time for everyone.
You never, ever, get over something like this entirely. But time is also a healer.
macnewbie
· 3 years ago
So sorry to hear your news, my thoughts are with you and your family.
trentini
· 3 years ago
Oh Robert, so sorry to hear the bad news. All the best to you and your family.
David Shutt
· 3 years ago
Hello there,
I just want to say that I am very sorry and sad to hear about your mothers stroke. I'm a Christian and that may not mean much to you right now but I want you to know that I will be praying for you and your family and that at this time that Jesus would send you peace.
Here to talk if ever you should need a cry for help.
David, from the UK
Christian Selvaratnam
· 3 years ago
Dear Robert,
So very sorry to hear about your Mother. I can't imagine how you feel and so I presume to offer any advice, but thank-you for putting such difficult news here for us all to read.
God be with you.
-Christian
Mike Abundo
· 3 years ago
I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your mom, Robert.
Alvin
· 3 years ago
Sorry to hear about your mom, my best wishes are with you.
Mitch Denny
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert. I read your post this morning and I didn't know what to say. I still don't. My thoughts are with you mate.
Paschal
· 3 years ago
Robert sorry to hear about your mum, my thoughts are for you and your family. Paschal
lucie
· 3 years ago
How lucky she is to be surrounded by her family in her final days, to hear expressions of love from each of you and have the chance to squeeze your hands goodbye. She'll pass away quietly, surrounded by the people who love her; a beautiful way to leave this world behind.
Vanda
· 3 years ago
My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm so very sorry.
N. Venkat Venkatraman
· 3 years ago
Thoughts and prayers with you and your family.
Tom Raftery
· 3 years ago
Robert (and family),
there's really nothing I can say which hasn't been said already by other commenters and far more eloquently than I ever could.
My mother went through similar events several times (pulmonary embolism in 95, catastrophic brain haemorrhage in 97, stroke and heart attack in 2005).
I've sat beside that hospital bed holding that hand too. It is a horrible mix of helplessness and despair. You want your mother's suffering to stop but you don't want her to die. You want her back the way she was but you know you can't turn back the clock.
Mortality is a bastard.
Thinking of you.
Tom.
Nick Smith
· 3 years ago
"..What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the Master calls a butterfly."
Stay present Robert. You're in my heart.
JWM
· 3 years ago
My condolences. No one gets good at this, yet we all take our turn. I lost my Dad in 2002 in a similar manner. At the end all there is is Love and peace.
Dan
· 3 years ago
I can't believe you used "suckiest". If I mail you a thesaurus c/o Microsoft's Seattle campus will it reach you?
I'm sorry about your mother.
C.C.
· 3 years ago
There is nothing right to say here except that my thoughts are with you and your family. As you said it's good that she had clearly articulated her wants and desires in a situation like this and it is important for others to do so as well.
I'm very sorry to hear this news.
Fred Beiderbecke
· 3 years ago
I'm very sorry to hear the latest news. I'll be remembering your mother and your family in my prayers and dedications in the coming weeks.
Douglas Reilly
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I lost my dad over 30 years ago, and it still hurts. Please know that there are many others who will be remembering you and your family as you go through this very difficult time.
Doug
bingskee
· 3 years ago
brings back memories when my father is in the ICU. it is always hard to decide about giving mercy to loved ones. i understand this is really a tough time for you.
be well. God bless.
Mike Cohen
· 3 years ago
This is a very difficult thing to go through. I just lost my mom in December. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in late October and was in & out of the hospital since then. Finally the doctor suggested putting her in hospice care & a few days later she died. The last two days she never woke up, but I sat there and talked to her.
Katyspice
· 3 years ago
My thoughts are with you. Take time to say "Thank you" and tell her how much you love her. Always hard for the mothers to go....
Robert Scoble
· 3 years ago
Dan, the words I was really thinking of using aren't used in polite company. Suckiest works. :-)
Alfredo Octavio
· 3 years ago
Sorry to hear the bad news. I wish I could be as eloquent as some of the other writers here, unfortunately, I am just a geek. I wish you and your mother peace.
Eber Irigoyen
· 3 years ago
if it helps, be comforted by the fact that she didn't suffer (much) to get to this point, that is a big blessing
though is hard, but it was a short path, she's going to a better place now
Hasan
· 3 years ago
Deepest condolence Robert.
Linda Wood
· 3 years ago
Don't ever let the doctors tell you that there isn't any functionality left. There is that tiny spark within her that made her who she was all through her life: when she was held as a baby for the first time by loving parents; when she scraped her knee running home from school; out on her first date; graduation; marriage and giving birth to you. All those steps that brought her to this moment with all her memories of your family and your memories of her. I lost my dad to aggresive pancreatic cancer in 2002 and know that helpless feeling. Just be with her and love her during her remaining days.
Gisli Olafsson
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert,
It is at times like this that we grow as persons through our grief. A while back you talked about surrounding you with happy people. Right now it may be hard for you to think that is possible. But try to think about all the happy times you have spent with your mother and your family. Remember those good times, talk to your mother about them and tell her how much you appreciated those times. In other words, surround yourself with happy memories.
Remember that someone passing away is always hurtful for those who remain, but that the good thing is that the person is no longer suffering. We always wish they could stay with us for a longer time, but instead of focusing on how much we miss them, focus on the good things they gave us.
It certainly is good to see the big number of your readers who are sending you good thoughts in these difficult times. It tells you that these readers not only like your writing, but they also feel your suffering.
Stay brave, cry plenty and try to focus on happy thoughts!!!
Our thoughts are with you and your family.
Our deepest condolences.
John V Clifford
· 3 years ago
I met you at your book party in Medina and respect your courage to tell the truth even when it is difficult to do. My heart remembers the pain of losing my mother and also the strong and tangible sense of her transition into a permanent peace when she died with my hand on her chest.I was certain that there is a part of us that survives the death of the body after experiencing passing. Her breathing had become very faint and just as a nurse entered the room and distracted my father, she passed. It was painful to say the words " Dad, she has stopped breathing' and so touching to see his love as he kissed her for the last time.
Namaste, John Vajra
John
· 3 years ago
My prayers go out to you and your family... my brother in law just lost his mother w/ a similar situation.
Regards,
JR
Beltira
· 3 years ago
I'd like to add my deepest condolences as well.
I know how hard it is, as you said, to not override your mom's wishes as well as strugle with the question of just how right are the doctor's assesments. Take time for reflection, prayer, or meditation and in your gut you will find a peace that will soothe the pain.
I have lost several near and dear friends and relatives in my life, and I have found that finding that peace is a critical part of mourning the loss.
I have been through this sort of situation, fortunatly for me it was in my youth with a cousin a year or so older than myself with a critical head wound. I have to agree that having it known what your wishes are critical for your loved ones. I just cannot stress enough how important this is.
Scoble dude, my heart is out to you and your family.
Peace.
John Blake
· 3 years ago
You and your family are in my humble prayers.
Marcus Kwan
· 3 years ago
Robert, Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Marcus
Adam Barr
· 3 years ago
Hang in there Robert. Make sure you tell your family you love them.
- adam
Teresa Valdez Klein
· 3 years ago
Hi Robert, It's good that your mom is at least conscious of your presence and your love for her. Saying goodbye is incredibly difficult, but hopefully the fact that you are with her makes the process easier for your mother. You're in my prayers.
-Teresa
Alnoor
· 3 years ago
All my prayers and thought are with you and with your family.
Brooks Moses
· 3 years ago
My condolences to you and your family, Robert. I lost my dad about a decade ago, in circumstances that were a bit different but in many ways much the same. It's hard.
Jeff Ventura
· 3 years ago
Hey Robert.
Went through a similar situation with my grandfather a few years back. He went into the hospital with a minor heart attack, which was subsequently complicated by pneumonia. He stabilized for a few weeks, and things even started to look better. I went in and saw him while he slept one evening, told him I loved him, told him I wish we were closer but I remember everything he did for me when I was a kid, told him that he's a gift to me and I'm sorry if I took his 95 years of life on this planet for granted.
I went to Telluride two days after the doctors proclaimed he was getting "much better." On my second day there, I got a call from my wife with the news that he had passed away the previous night. The last time I saw my grandfather alive was when I whispered to him in a dark, quiet room, tears running down my cheek.
I cried all day on and off on the slopes. I made the decision right there to not only mourn his loss, but also celebrate his life. A man of 95 is a veritable time traveler, and such a life should be celebrated.
Celebrate your mom's life, but don't forget to feel. Be there, live in the present, feel what's happening. It might hurt, and it's not easy, but in the end you will feel better about it and closer to your mom, both now and in the future.
Best wishes and stay strong. For your mom, be happy. It's what she wants.
-- Jeff Ventura
Shravan
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I'm really sorry to hear about your mom. Iknow how tough it is to cope with the loss of a loved one. Just hang in there.
Russ N.
· 3 years ago
Robert,
Can't imagine what you're going through. My prayers for your and your family.
Christine O'Rorke
· 3 years ago
Robert Peace and love to you and yours.
Be with your mum and cherish the time you have left. When you look back on this time you will be glad that you were able to be with her.
Thoughts and prayers stillwith you and all of your family.
PeterPla
· 3 years ago
Robert, I hope you find comfort in the thousands of people thinking of you and your mom at this most difficult time.
Your mom was one smart cookie, thinking through her beliefs, sharing with everyone her wishes, and signing the paperwork (DNR order) to lessen the burden on her family.
The group "Aging with Dignity" developed "5 Wishes(tm)", which I bought for everyone in my family. Here's a brief description from their web site:
The Five Wishes document helps you express how you want to be treated if you are seriously ill and unable to speak for yourself. It is unique among all other living will and health agent forms because it looks to all of a person's needs: medical, personal, emotional and spiritual.
It provides thought-provoking guidance, along with a form to fill out that's widely (but not universally) accepted across the US.
As you've experienced, the time and thought that goes into these preparations is a welcome simplification later, in an incredibly complex, stressful and confusing time.
My thoughts are with you.
Lance Dutson
· 3 years ago
Our prayers are with you and your family Robert...
Shawna Seth
· 3 years ago
Your post really affected me. I can't say a blog has ever made me cry before. Amazing the connection one can feel through this kind of medium. Best to you and other commenters have said it best - feel everything, don't worry about being strong, and remember you are doing everything you can be expected to do. You're lucky and so is she that she is surrounded by her loving family.
John
· 3 years ago
Going through a rough time myself with my dear son Samuel who is only 10 months old. There are no right words for moments like these other than to realize that love survives us all. John
Anil
· 3 years ago
Thinking of you... make sure to take care of yourself during this time, as well.
Confused
· 3 years ago
What does anyone say. At least you won't have to make any difficult decisions. And thank you for being so transparent and confiding in your readers.
Please take care of yourself.
Jackie Huba
· 3 years ago
Robert, Our thoughts are with you and your family in this very sad time.
Take care.
Stephen
· 3 years ago
Robert, a terrible thing to have to go with, I am glad to here that your immediate family is there with you. Keep them close, hold them tight and remember your Mom as she was and not how she is. Stick together and help your Mom make this transition.
We wish you well as you go through this.
solo
· 3 years ago
Robert, thinking of you and your family here in NYC.
Sincerely, (Long time reader) Solo
Matt Cutts
· 3 years ago
That's really awful. My thoughts are with you.
Tim Draayer
· 3 years ago
Robert, I can't imagine what you're going through at this time since both of my parents are still with me, but you're in my thoughts and prayes.
Lee Wilkins
· 3 years ago
Robert
Thinking of you and your family here in London, UK.
Look after yourself
Jim Grisanzio
· 3 years ago
All the best to you and your family, Robert. You are not alone, believe me.
Joseph Rice
· 3 years ago
Hey I am so sorry to hear such news, If I can be of any help please feel free to Contact me via E-mail, installshield_freak@hotmail.com I wish the best for all the Scoble family. Take Care, I will be praying for the best!
Trisha Laich
· 3 years ago
So many words of encouragement, support and hope. Your mother has blessed you in so many ways, a wonderful woman, no doubt. Remember her for who she is, and what shes done in your life.
While I can't offer what it's like to lose a parent first hand, I know second hand from those close to me. Relish in her, the person who helped you become the man you are today, keep her close in your heart and she will be with you til the end.
I'll keep you in my prayers and offer my wishes of comfort to you.
Crille
· 3 years ago
All the best to you and your family, Robert. You are not alone, My stepmother just hade a stoke and now she is paralysed and doctors cant give any positive answers.. Take care my thought is with you and your family. The pain you’re going trough is the love you have inside. God bless you.
Ronald Carpentier
· 3 years ago
Robert, your brave post made me cry. I wish you and your family all the best. My thoughts are with you from Amsterdam.
Darren
· 3 years ago
Keep your family close and you'll get through this.
Such sad news.
Darren.
skatterbrain
· 3 years ago
It's really cool that so many have come out to express their support for you during this. Count yourself lucky. It shows that your work has touched (and continues to touch) so many who appreciate it very much. Your mom has to be proud of you. No matter what happens, know that she has to be happy knowing you make a positive difference in this world.
Tom Guarriello
· 3 years ago
I'm of the "you can't get enough support at times like this" school, so, many thoughts and good wishes going out to you and your family at this difficult time.
Robert Paterson
· 3 years ago
What a tribute to you Robert - this outpouring of support - bless you Rob P
Shariq
· 3 years ago
bro..
I know it's a hard time.. but i do believe everything happens for the good. sometiems we just don't know how or why. but you know ... God loves her more than any human ever can.
talk really is cheap. but I do hope these words give you strength. it'll all turn out good. n this too will pass.
Just remember God loves her more than you do & everything that happens - happens for the best of us.
God bless her n ur family!
Shariq.
Dieter
· 3 years ago
Robert, Benny, and Alex,
When in doubt God is in charge. Your mother was an inspiration to all she touched and she touched me deeply. She was my Mom's best friend and a second mother to me growing up. The last time I saw her was at my brother's wedding and full of life as always. We talked, laughed and hugged... What a wonderful time! She will always be with me. Here is a poem for you and your family in this trying time...
God Heals
Remember when you heard the words - and your mind went blank - you were in another world God heals Remember in your darkest hours - when all that surrounds you is pain and sorrow God heals Remember friends' prayers - your family's encouragement - glimmers of hope from everyday angels God heals Quiet...you can hear Him now - always there - yet never this close God heals It's just another day - yet everything has changed - and you hear yourself say God heals Birds are singing - the sky is a beautiful blue - flowers are blooming... God heals Truths that you knew as a child - awakened again with new understanding God heals Remember when others can't - that life is a gift - each day to treasure
God Has Healed...
pb.
· 3 years ago
I cannot add anything deeper or stronger than what has already been said here. Only to add my support and thoughts to you and your family.
Atholas
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I don't know what to say to you in a situation like this other than to quietly pray for your mother and your family. It is a difficult time -- a time that hundreds of people are enduring with you as is evident by the comments. Please be strong and send our love and concern to your mother.
May God's grace and peace be with your mother, you, and your family.
Stephan H. Wissel
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I can feel your pain experience a loved one slip away and sitting helpless seeing your mother fade away. It boldly reminds us of the impermanence of our lives and if your believes are strong carries the hope of a better existence thereafter. Peace to your and your mother's soul! -- Stephan
jean
· 3 years ago
Robert, Sorry to hear. My prayers are with your mother, you and your family. God Bless Jean
Dave Golden
· 3 years ago
Robert,
My name is Dave Golden, and I've been reading your stuff for a while and introduced myself a few months back when I ran into you in the Seattle airport while you were traveling to San Jose, and mentioned I enjoyed reading your blog.
My prayers go to you and your family. News like this is hard to hear.
God bless, and remember good things come to good people, and you are in fact a good perosn.
Jack Yan
· 3 years ago
Robert, I am deeply sorry to hear this. I remember getting some similar news when my mother was in a hospice—at age 54. If she is likely to pass, I would encourage you or member(s) of your family to be present at that moment. It was important for me to be there, as a way of saying goodbye. If you are a spiritual man, then I also believe it’s somehow good for the spirit to see the family there when she first departs from the body.
Lawrence
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I am sorry.
My own mother has alzheimer's disease and has been slipping away over the last couple of months.
She is now having a very hard time speaking as she says " the words will not come to me, sorry".
We also get just a knowing look and a hand squeeze, small assurance that she is still with us.
Just remember that they will always live in your heart and soul and never ever truly leave you.
All the best, to you and your family. Lawrence
vanderwal
· 3 years ago
Robert, I deeply feel for you. Peace.
Chuck Olsen
· 3 years ago
Oof.... I'm so sorry Robert. Reading this makes me appreciate the time I have with my mom, and will have to bring this up with her on Mother's Day.
Take care.
whiterose
· 3 years ago
My grandfather had a stroke a couple years ago. The doctors told us in the emergency room he was not going to live. Amazingly enough he did with partial paralassis to his left side that has gotten slowly better. I wish the best on you and the family.
Steve Raymond
· 3 years ago
Robert - I've only had the privilege of meeting you once -- at Gnomedex, last June '05 -- and all that I can think to say through my tears, tonight, as I read your blog, is that you have touched my life in a positive way, by your example. Steve Raymond
Rohan Maloney
· 3 years ago
Robert I know that you have been getting alot of messages of support and prayer. The only message of support i can provide is take a day at a time and a sqeeze of the hand at a time. Hang in there and use your support network that you have aroung you atm.
Regards Rohan
Heather Lloyd-Martin
· 3 years ago
Robert,
I am so, so sorry. I went through it with both parents - and it does suck beyond belief.
My thoughts are with you.
Take care of yourself, Heather
whatsnext
· 3 years ago
Robert: When my grandmother was in hospice, the nurses told me that people can hear til the last minute of their lives. Keep telling her you're there and that you love her.
And that it is ok for her to go. BL
frédéric
· 3 years ago
Sorry to read this. In Dutch, we say 'sterkte' on those occasions, which comes down to 'keep yourself strong.' I find it okay to be weak on those moments.
All Comments
You are so right about the need for living wills and similar statements about how one wants medical treatment handled. My wife and I had to make decisions about how to proceed for her grandmother and it was agony. Having a living will for my mother in law made things easier for us when we was going through her final days in March. Everyone should think about a living will because you never know what can happen and you don't want those decisions to weigh heavy on your loved ones.
"You're born alone, and you die alone. What makes life worthwhile are the friends and family you find along the way, and having someone to hold your hand at the end."
Yul Brynner, (paraphrased)
My Mom had a living will so my Dad sat down with us and we discussed her wishes. All life support was removed and there was a do not resuscitate order. She was transfered to a hospice and lived for 40 days. My brother, sister, and I stayed with her in the evenings and my Dad stayed with her during the day.
It was tough watching my Dad clinging to hope of a miracle. When she passed we were all at her side. She waited for my Dad to make the 30 minute drive to the hospital then passed in his arms.
I tear up now still talking to you about her passing. All I can say is don't shut down your feelings. Feel it all. Be there.
Death is the end of a person's life here (No, I don't want to get into a conversation about what happens next), but it is not their whole life. Just remember to celebrate and commemorate her whole life.
To hell with Dylan Thomas, go gentle into that good night.
However you struggle through the decisions that only you can make, be present, don't fight the things you cannot change, and remember to let yourself cry.
Really sorry to hear about the news. I lost my mom almost 2 years ago. It was tough loosing my last parent.
Take care of yourself and your family. I know it will be tough to hear but your mom probably would want you focus on life (wife, children, siblings, etc.) rather than focus on death. If or when she does pass, clebrate her life and what she gave you and you sibs.
An new friend and respectful admirer, russ...
I've always read your blog even though I dont subscribe to all your viewpoints. I gotta say that it takes a lot of courage to blog about something as personal as this.
I'm really sorry to hear about these tough times for you. However, KEEP THE FAITH and I'll surely keep you and your family in my prayers.
Mario
Best,
Jeremy Botter
I'm so sorry to hear this, I was really hoping it wouldn't be that bad.
There's nothing I can say that will help with the pain you're going through right now, all I can say is that my prayers are with you and your family.
I can't imagine how you must feel. Only that it really sucks.
My thoughts are with you, and your family.
Cheers
Des
She was the only one in the family who was able to stay with her to the end after they turned off life support. She's glad she did.
On a tech note, my daughter (7) is very interested in all the equipment around when we visit him. She is always asking "what does that do?" Then I realized, these are all specialized computers (even the bed has an lcd) doing their particular tasks. The room TV's even have Internet access and email. Yikes!
I don't know you from a bar of soap, but that "One hand squeeze at a time" line put a huge lump in my throat. Good luck.
My prayers are with you and your family. As many folks ahve pointed out above, it takes great courage to talk about this here.
All my hopes!
xo
Sometimes the simplest acts convey the deepest emotions. The message will get through. Take care. We're with you.
I am so sorry. You all will certainly be in our prayers. Please don't hesitate if I can do anything or even if you need someone to talk to.
_ryan
Keep your head up... My thoughts will be with you and your family.
-Jake
I do not know your mother, she must be a fine woman, you can tell by the way she raised such a fine son. As the minutes past into the unknown future, may each moment be as precious as you and your family can make it.
So sorry to hear of the latest news about your mom. It is hard to lose someone no matter how. My Dad died of a massive heart attack 10 years ago so I know what you are going thru. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family during this difficult time.
Words fail prayers never do. You are in our thoughts and prayers as is your family.
A reader.
Tonight I asked my mother to read her favorite excerpt from a book I bought her last Mother's Day. We hope it makes your Mom smile, at least inside.
"Everybody knows that a good Mother gives her children a feeling of trust and stability. She is their Earth. She is the one they can count on for the things that matter most of all. She is their food and their bed and the extra blanket when it grows cold in the night; she is their warmth and their health and their shelter; she is the one they want to be near when they cry. She is the only person in the whole world in a whole lifetime who can be these things to her children. There is no substitute for her. Somehow even her clothes feel different to her children's hand than anybody else's clothes. Only to touch her skirt or her sleeve makes a troubled child feel better."
-Katherine Butler Hathaway, American Writer
I've simply no words of wisdom to offer, though I often enjoy reading yours. Your family is in our prayers.
-Rick
you have my sympathy. Just remember that there is hope at the end of every life. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
A friend of my mother's died from a stroke, and I loaned my friend a bunch of celtic music CDs (her Mom was Irish & so liked Celtic, which I have lots of). It was a great comfort to my friend, and she believes that the music made a difference -- for the positive-- in the last days of her Mom's life. If it seems right to you, consider playing music for your Mom as a way to be with her and communicate in a way where words are no longer useful.
Love and peace,
Susan
My thoughts and prayers are with your mom, your family, and you. I'm very sorry to hear your news. I hope your memories and the love of your family and friends provides some comfort to you.
Spend whatever time you can with her and make that contact with her. Say the things you need to say to her - she will understand them.
May God's grace and light shine upon you and your family as you go through this difficult time.
Rich
this is exactly what happened with my Dad. Its extremely tough and hard to go through. My dad never woke up from the stroke. One minute he was there, the next minute gone forever.
My thoughts are with you and with your Mom.
Jacob
You and Yours are in my prayers.
Scott
"Everybody knows that a good Mother gives her children a feeling of trust and stability. She is their Earth. She is the one they can count on for the things that matter most of all. She is their food and their bed and the extra blanket when it grows cold in the night; she is their warmth and their health and their shelter; she is the one they want to be near when they cry. She is the only person in the whole world in a whole lifetime who can be these things to her children. There is no substitute for her. Somehow even her clothes feel different to her children's hand than anybody else's clothes. Only to touch her skirt or her sleeve makes a troubled child feel better."
Katherine Butler Hathaway, 1890-1942 American Writer
Warmest Regards in this very difficult time,
Anthony
My thoughts and prayers are with you in this gravest of times. Remember the footprints in the sand. It is when times are the toughest that the Lord will carry you on his shoulders.
For all the bickering that happens on this blog, you must see that when it comes to things that matter, everyone is behind you. Seeing the number of people that left their messages on this blog shows you the number of lives you have touched. Your mother will be very proud of you.
I will pray for the good Lord to give you the strength to bear this burden.
Hash
Remember the good times, they will be with your forever.
Sean
What you will have to remember is all the fun times that you and she had.. even the times she was giving you heck in only the ways that she could, and so forth..
My thoughts will be with you.. Take care, my extended friend.
God bless you and your family.
My thoughts are with you during these difficult times. I imagine how very proud of you she must be. Take care.
I'm glad you blogged about this experience. It helps us realize the things that are really important besides all the techie stuff.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Bill K.
Much though I wish I could share words that would comfort you, I know there is little, if anything, I can add. Just know that, as comforting as it is to your mother, it is more so a privilege to you to be present during her final hours, when she needs you. May God bless her, and you, and your whole family, and may he bring each of you comfort.
Doug
Two years and one day ago my wife and lost a child. A good friend of mine stood by my side and told me, "The journey of every soul is meant to be a celebration. No matter how long, or how short the journey, celebrate it in love." That took me through some very dark times.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
With loving intent.
James
I told my mother that I loved her and so did God.
She died the next day, calmly. The cancer which hounded her for 20 years finally took her from us. My brothers were also with her in her final hours. We have lost a mother and the very source of our lives.
Best to you and your family.
James
Do try to take some time to remember the good memories of the past, realize the blessings of the present, and see the promise of the future. Take good care.
My thoughts are with you, your family, and your mom.
We'll all pull through this together. Keep writing your informative, powerful, and emotional blog.
You're doing all the right things.
I'm truly sorry. God Bless.
Kaushik
May a miracle happen to you.
All the best regards.
At least your mom knows her family is present for her final days. That's a comfort I don't think I'll have.
Anyway, it sounds like her life made a difference, and that's all any of us can really hope for.
You have the support of all of us in these tough times. I'm glad you chose to share this personal struggle with the community who reads your site. I'm just sorry that things turned out so catastrophic. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Here is something for you and your family, it was said at my mothers funeral (sorry it is a little long, but it may help you at this time, like it helped me.)
Go gently dear Mum. Go gently to a rest beyond words. And may something of your new joy translate itself in time in our regard. We wait in eager longing and with one ray of hope. And that ray shines out - hope. It brightens our darkness and guarantees our belonging with you always. That ray speaks to us in your name now and tells us how cherished we are by you forever. In your name it whispers:
'Cherish everything of my care for you. Cherish my parenting of you, with all its fondest moments; its intimacy; its closeness. cherish these and hand them on so that I might parent my children's children. Love is eternal and I'm here to welcome you to your eternal home. And so I say to you, my forever children, we will meet again on God's mountain top in an embrace that will last forever. For together we belong and together we belong and together we will be in the home of heaven. For this day brings for me, and for you, a new kind of belonging.'
Think of it as a time to catch up with the family that you still have and look forward to spending time with them in the future. I hope the news about your mom gets better.
Hang in there.
I love you dude
....this really suck I only wish I had seen her more
....
Say hi to Alex and Ben for me.
peace
Hold your Mom's hand and tell her you love her. Then repeat.
And take care of yourself, too.
-- David
I'm really sorry. Experiences like these make us sit up and re-evaluate our perspectives and priorities in life.
Wish you and your family all the strength and courage to go through this.
my father had a pretty bad stroke 6 years ago. For 3 weeks he did not move, did not open his eyes, did not recognize anybody. The doctors informed us that he would stay in a vegetative state, and possibly die within a few weeks.
Turns out they were wrong. My father recovered. He is still alive. He can't move his right arm and foot, but he can walk with a cane, he talks, and most importantly he understands us. Though he's not the same he used to be, he enjoys his grandchildren, including two that were not even born when he got ill. They made him laugh more than once.
The point is, don't despair, and don't give up yet. Your mother could recover, and she'd need all the love you can give her. Or maybe not. God only knows.
My prayers are with you and your family.
Know you've gone through a lot over the years: your strength will pull you through this, and give you the foundation to find peace here and celebrate her live and your relationship, in all directions it has gone. Take care and our thoughts are with you during this time.
Matt
You will be in my prayers. I hope for the best for you, your mother, and your family as you make such a shocking and difficult transition. As others have said, you will always have her, but loss is about relocating that person. I am so sorry.
Michael.
B & J.
Thoughts n Prayers..
g@u
-Darren
I also admire you for blogging about this - having blogged about very personal stuff in my time, I feel it helps - it's a type of therapy.
V & L
My father was really having a hope that my mother would revive soon. When we enquired about the quality of life which she would get ... if at all she survives ... doctors didn't give us any hope at all.
After discussing with my dad, my wife and my uncle I made a toughest decision in my life .... I informed the doctor to take her off the ventillator support :(
I really donno how to explain the pain i underwent and the tears which came from my moms eyes added more pain to me.
I am getting emotional on when I write about that day's incident. huh I know the pain you would be undergoing as I have myself undergone it. Don't try to hide your emotions ... cry it out :(
You're a cool guy on channel9, and this is really sad news :(. Hope you stick in there, you're really strong already, i hope things turn out alright.
- Winston
Christian
Just to let you known, our thoughts are with you this side of the pond too.
I'm truly sorry.
So sorry to hear of your mother's illness. Not being religious I can't offer you a prayer, but you and your family will be in my thoughts over the next few days by way of silent support, and to keep me reminded of what's really important in life.
Nothing prepares you for it and it is the most awful time for everyone.
You never, ever, get over something like this entirely. But time is also a healer.
I just want to say that I am very sorry and sad to hear about your mothers stroke. I'm a Christian and that may not mean much to you right now but I want you to know that I will be praying for you and your family and that at this time that Jesus would send you peace.
Here to talk if ever you should need a cry for help.
David, from the UK
So very sorry to hear about your Mother. I can't imagine how you feel and so I presume to offer any advice, but thank-you for putting such difficult news here for us all to read.
God be with you.
-Christian
Paschal
there's really nothing I can say which hasn't been said already by other commenters and far more eloquently than I ever could.
My mother went through similar events several times (pulmonary embolism in 95, catastrophic brain haemorrhage in 97, stroke and heart attack in 2005).
I've sat beside that hospital bed holding that hand too. It is a horrible mix of helplessness and despair. You want your mother's suffering to stop but you don't want her to die. You want her back the way she was but you know you can't turn back the clock.
Mortality is a bastard.
Thinking of you.
Tom.
Stay present Robert. You're in my heart.
I'm sorry about your mother.
I'm very sorry to hear this news.
I lost my dad over 30 years ago, and it still hurts. Please know that there are many others who will be remembering you and your family as you go through this very difficult time.
Doug
be well. God bless.
though is hard, but it was a short path, she's going to a better place now
It is at times like this that we grow as persons through our grief. A while back you talked about surrounding you with happy people. Right now it may be hard for you to think that is possible. But try to think about all the happy times you have spent with your mother and your family. Remember those good times, talk to your mother about them and tell her how much you appreciated those times. In other words, surround yourself with happy memories.
Remember that someone passing away is always hurtful for those who remain, but that the good thing is that the person is no longer suffering. We always wish they could stay with us for a longer time, but instead of focusing on how much we miss them, focus on the good things they gave us.
It certainly is good to see the big number of your readers who are sending you good thoughts in these difficult times. It tells you that these readers not only like your writing, but they also feel your suffering.
Stay brave, cry plenty and try to focus on happy thoughts!!!
Our thoughts are with you and your family.
Our deepest condolences.
Namaste, John Vajra
Regards,
JR
I know how hard it is, as you said, to not override your mom's wishes as well as strugle with the question of just how right are the doctor's assesments. Take time for reflection, prayer, or meditation and in your gut you will find a peace that will soothe the pain.
I have lost several near and dear friends and relatives in my life, and I have found that finding that peace is a critical part of mourning the loss.
I have been through this sort of situation, fortunatly for me it was in my youth with a cousin a year or so older than myself with a critical head wound. I have to agree that having it known what your wishes are critical for your loved ones. I just cannot stress enough how important this is.
Scoble dude, my heart is out to you and your family.
Peace.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Marcus
- adam
It's good that your mom is at least conscious of your presence and your love for her. Saying goodbye is incredibly difficult, but hopefully the fact that you are with her makes the process easier for your mother.
You're in my prayers.
-Teresa
Went through a similar situation with my grandfather a few years back. He went into the hospital with a minor heart attack, which was subsequently complicated by pneumonia. He stabilized for a few weeks, and things even started to look better. I went in and saw him while he slept one evening, told him I loved him, told him I wish we were closer but I remember everything he did for me when I was a kid, told him that he's a gift to me and I'm sorry if I took his 95 years of life on this planet for granted.
I went to Telluride two days after the doctors proclaimed he was getting "much better." On my second day there, I got a call from my wife with the news that he had passed away the previous night. The last time I saw my grandfather alive was when I whispered to him in a dark, quiet room, tears running down my cheek.
I cried all day on and off on the slopes. I made the decision right there to not only mourn his loss, but also celebrate his life. A man of 95 is a veritable time traveler, and such a life should be celebrated.
Celebrate your mom's life, but don't forget to feel. Be there, live in the present, feel what's happening. It might hurt, and it's not easy, but in the end you will feel better about it and closer to your mom, both now and in the future.
Best wishes and stay strong. For your mom, be happy. It's what she wants.
-- Jeff Ventura
I'm really sorry to hear about your mom. Iknow how tough it is to cope with the loss of a loved one. Just hang in there.
Can't imagine what you're going through. My prayers for your and your family.
Peace and love to you and yours.
Be with your mum and cherish the time you have left.
When you look back on this time you will be glad that you were able to be with her.
Thoughts and prayers stillwith you and all of your family.
Your mom was one smart cookie, thinking through her beliefs, sharing with everyone her wishes, and signing the paperwork (DNR order) to lessen the burden on her family.
The group "Aging with Dignity" developed "5 Wishes(tm)", which I bought for everyone in my family. Here's a brief description from their web site:
The Five Wishes document helps you express how you want to be treated if you are seriously ill and unable to speak for yourself. It is unique among all other living will and health agent forms because it looks to all of a person's needs: medical, personal, emotional and spiritual.
It provides thought-provoking guidance, along with a form to fill out that's widely (but not universally) accepted across the US.
As you've experienced, the time and thought that goes into these preparations is a welcome simplification later, in an incredibly complex, stressful and confusing time.
My thoughts are with you.
John
Please take care of yourself.
Our thoughts are with you and your family in this very sad time.
Take care.
We wish you well as you go through this.
Sincerely,
(Long time reader)
Solo
Thinking of you and your family here in London, UK.
Look after yourself
While I can't offer what it's like to lose a parent first hand, I know second hand from those close to me. Relish in her, the person who helped you become the man you are today, keep her close in your heart and she will be with you til the end.
I'll keep you in my prayers and offer my wishes of comfort to you.
Such sad news.
Darren.
Rob P
I know it's a hard time..
but i do believe everything happens for the good.
sometiems we just don't know how or why.
but you know ... God loves her more than any human
ever can.
talk really is cheap.
but I do hope these words give you strength.
it'll all turn out good.
n this too will pass.
Just remember God loves her more than you do & everything that happens - happens for the best of us.
God bless her n ur family!
Shariq.
When in doubt God is in charge. Your mother was an inspiration to all she touched and she touched me deeply. She was my Mom's best friend and a second mother to me growing up. The last time I saw her was at my brother's wedding and full of life as always. We talked, laughed and hugged... What a wonderful time! She will always be with me. Here is a poem for you and your family in this trying time...
God Heals
Remember when you heard the words -
and your mind went blank - you were in another world
God heals
Remember in your darkest hours -
when all that surrounds you is pain and sorrow
God heals
Remember friends' prayers - your family's encouragement
- glimmers of hope from everyday angels
God heals
Quiet...you can hear Him now -
always there - yet never this close
God heals
It's just another day -
yet everything has changed - and you hear yourself say
God heals
Birds are singing -
the sky is a beautiful blue - flowers are blooming...
God heals
Truths that you knew as a child -
awakened again with new understanding
God heals
Remember when others can't -
that life is a gift - each day to treasure
God Has Healed...
I don't know what to say to you in a situation like this other than to quietly pray for your mother and your family. It is a difficult time -- a time that hundreds of people are enduring with you as is evident by the comments. Please be strong and send our love and concern to your mother.
May God's grace and peace be with your mother, you, and your family.
I can feel your pain experience a loved one slip away and sitting helpless seeing your mother fade away. It boldly reminds us of the impermanence of our lives and if your believes are strong carries the hope of a better existence thereafter.
Peace to your and your mother's soul!
-- Stephan
Sorry to hear.
My prayers are with your mother, you and your family.
God Bless
Jean
My name is Dave Golden, and I've been reading your stuff for a while and introduced myself a few months back when I ran into you in the Seattle airport while you were traveling to San Jose, and mentioned I enjoyed reading your blog.
My prayers go to you and your family. News like this is hard to hear.
God bless, and remember good things come to good people, and you are in fact a good perosn.
If you are a spiritual man, then I also believe it’s somehow good for the spirit to see the family there when she first departs from the body.
I am sorry.
My own mother has alzheimer's disease and has been slipping away over the last couple of months.
She is now having a very hard time speaking as she says " the words will not come to me, sorry".
We also get just a knowing look and a hand squeeze, small assurance that she is still with us.
Just remember that they will always live in your heart and soul and never ever truly leave you.
All the best, to you and your family.
Lawrence
Reading this makes me appreciate the time I have with my mom,
and will have to bring this up with her on Mother's Day.
Take care.
I've only had the privilege of meeting you once -- at Gnomedex, last June '05 -- and all that I can think to say through my tears, tonight, as I read your blog, is that you have touched my life in a positive way, by your example.
Steve Raymond
Regards
Rohan
I am so, so sorry. I went through it with both parents - and it does suck beyond belief.
My thoughts are with you.
Take care of yourself,
Heather
And that it is ok for her to go.
BL